I've been doing a lot of learning and soul searching after being told a few things about myself about how I am perceived and the effects my words and actions have on others. This has caused me to question a couple behaviors that I consider normal and acceptable, but have not had the intended effect. I had been fighting the idea because I don't mean harm with my words, but the harm results. I would blame the listener for their thin skin and say "listen to the words" and disregard the tone or messaging. That is backwards and doesn't account for the audience.

Knowing that it's backwards is a step in the direction of awareness, toward growth. There's a new concept I am exploring; Attachment Theory is the name. There are two attachment styles that interest me the most, anxious attachment and, my personal favorite, avoidant attachment. I am interested most in these because they resonate within me. There are areas of my life and times when I am acting with an anxious attachment style, unaware of the effects while I'm in it, and defensive if called out for not seeing there's another way, not living up to the open-minded ideals I've laid out previously. There are other times when I am avoidant, and the avoidant tends to dominate and overcome the anxious attachment. Same dilemma in the avoidant style, ignorance to the blinded state.

If neither of these styles is good in its own right, what is the ideal state to strive for?