The book is speaking to me on a new level now. I waited for this moment, and I hoped it would come. It's the trying that matters. That advice also stuck with me. That is the philosophy by which I live my life. I forced myself to look at the sky and see green. As my delusional self was judged by my more logical brain, I was almost ready to give up. I was almost ready to accept the fate. I didn't like how others were telling me there was some hope in a relationship that had ended. I told them they were foolish because they didn't know the truth. They didn't know that she had moved on. They didn't know the spine had been broken and the nerves destroyed that would send the signals. They didn't know what it was like to be me in this moment. how dare they try to make me believe the sky was green. Miracles are just something that happens for someone else.

The next chapter of this book had me stop just two pages in and go get my computer. I need to write this. I am compelled to share this story of inspiration. Just as Margaret found hope in the trying, I am finding hope in the trying. Just as she did, I am reading all the articles, books, stories, and listening to it all in an attempt to find out what might be able to fix me. My heart didn't work. It was small and atrophied. I have a vision that I come out of this and run into her. She will see me in that moment, and she won't recognize me. She will recognize the contour of my face, she might recognize the color of my eyes, but she will not recognize the body, the mind, the heart, the compassion, the caring, the love, the sparkle in my eyes, the safety exuded from somewhere that didn't exist before. She will see me for that man. It is that hope, just as for Margaret, that go me diving deep into the healing process. It's the trying that helps. I am trying. I am visualizing my ultimate goal, over and over. My ultimate goal is to have that beautiful relationship that has support and love and security. We live together. Our kids are young, and they are happy. We are happy and know we can rely on each other in any moment, for whatever we might need in that moment. The caring, loving family that I visualize will be true. I believe in that green sky.

I am visualizing what it looks like when she goes to the studio to get the coffee started for the day. I am visualizing what it looks like when I pick up the kids from school, and we drive over to the studio to see mom. She is teaching this afternoon, so we can't hug her just yet. We can see her through the large windows that feed fresh sunlight into the studio. We can see her silhouette in the sunshine as she moves to the next asana. The flows are flowing, and the children and I love to watch her teach. She is most herself when she is leading the flow. She teaches a lagom style of living through her steady practice, balanced with all the aspects, and filled to the brim with love and happiness. We see her coming to an end with the shavasana for her students. They have worked so hard during the class, and they are taking this final moment to thank themselves for taking the time for themselves today. She inspires others through her work. And as if a lifetime and no time at all had passed, the class was over, the door opened, and the kids ran to her. I walked slowly behind them, steady in my presence, focused in my loving intention to be there. She locked eyes with the children, and she kneeled down to hug them. Her flexibility and working knees make me a little jealous, but not so much that any insecurity may be present, just enough to appreciate her for her. She is that amazing mother who will pick up both children (she's pretty friggin' strong), one in each arm. That's about the moment that I closed the distance between us. She locked into my eyes, and I felt her whole being, her whole presence, together with our children, I am complete.

It's time for us to have our afternoon time together. Att fika tillsammans. We schedule moments in our days where we are just being, together. We talk, we laugh, we shed a tear occasionally, but most of all we are present. That presence is something that means more than all the rest. Being present with each other was what we found to be the strength that allows us to be in this world. The world is not where we live, we live in each other's hearts, in the warm, loving embrace that we share each day. Occasionally we will look back and ask what would have happened if we gave up on this. If we had decided something was difficult and moved to something a little less painful. I tell her how my life would have been meaningless without the love we share. I tell her that she has made it all worth it. I tell her how I would not have been able to love so completely without the love she unconditionally gave to me. I thank her for loving me when I didn't make it so easy. I tell her how she was the one who took me from a selfish maniac, from an immature man, to the loving father and husband she spends her days with, spends her nights with, trusts with her fears, trusts with her dreams, trusts with her heart, trusts with her children, trusts that will be there if ever she is in need. She tells me about how the persistence of love and effort was how she knew that this was real. She thanks me for never giving up on her, on us. She thanks me for giving the space and for listening to what she wanted, then allowing her to go get that for herself. She thanks me for not making it easy. She says she had moments of doubt, but it was my steady presence through it all that made it possible for her to trust again, which allowed her mind to relax, allowing her to love again. We love our time together, and we protect it fiercely. It is this time that it's all about. We see that we must go out into the world alone sometimes, but we know and trust that we are never truly alone. She even tells me that she has no reason to miss me, even when I am not physically present, because she knows that I am still there. She looks forward to the next moment we are together, but she is not sad or missing something that she doesn't have. She knows that it persists through distance and time; she knows that we have no reason to miss each other because we are never apart; she knows that our hearts are intertwined; she knows the vibrations she feels are the same vibrations I feel, our souls connected. I love to listen to her stories, and I love to see her eyes light up when she has something exciting to share.

I still find it miraculous that we found each other in this vast universe extending through space and time. It is also miraculous that all the we shared in that afternoon time together was but a half hour. It felt like a lifetime together in those moments. The children played next to us while we connected and shared our day. Nora was drawing a picture of the family. She skipped over to mommy, and, in her sweet little voice, she said, "Look! I drew a picture. That's mommy, that's daddy, that's me, and that's brother." She had done this in crayons, and we were wildly out of proportion, in seemingly random colors. I was busy being amazed by how her little mind drew so much love on that page when her brother came over to show off his picture. He drew a picture of a castle and a dragon. He said daddy would save us from the dragon. He had drawn the family inside the castle with daddy outside the castle holding a sword to fight the dragon. It was at this time that mommy and I picked up some crayons and each had a child in our lap while we drew our own pictures. Mommy drew the picture of the family walking down the beach, hand in hand, walking next to the waves, sun setting on the horizon, and smiles spread across our faces. I drew the picture of the family flying, soaring through the clouds, together in the sky, with nothing to hold us down, not even gravity can bring us back to earth. With the idea being that no force could keep us grounded, and we flew above the noise and the chaos together.

I just realized that this visualization became so real as I am writing it. I am seeing it. I am feeling it. I am living it. I forgot that I wasn't drawing pictures with our children. I forgot that I wasn't sitting with their beautiful mother at the studio. Across all time, I experience the future, feeling what exists in time as if it existed in this time. My emotions are not tied to a particular timeline. I am drawn to the one who has awakened a fire inside me and the future we design and build together. It's the designing part that's most important. That's where the intention is set, that's where the dreams are shared and shaped. I love to be in love with the one who loves that we love. Now there's a sentence LOL.