There are two types of challenges we face, two types that we can overcome. The first being those placed on us by the external world and the second being the obstacles we place in our own way. We will refer to these as external and internal obstacles, respectively.
Starting with the external because it is easier to identify. The external are those that are placed on us by the world. As an example, for people of color, the world places high barriers (not in all instances, but this does show to have a basis in truth).
Those external are akin to the world telling us we can't. These are easier and quicker to recover than the internal. We can identify the obstacles and work hard to overcome. These are victories in the world that can be shared. If we are told we can't do it. If we are teased or made fun of or discouraged.
The world may tell us that because of our accent we would never be able to make it. The world may say that our beginnings dictate and predetermine the outcome. This is simply not true. There exist too many examples of people moving beyond the external and pushing through. The struggle may begin early. Immigrants have this issue at times, and locals also experience it. If you have a weird shaped head, or you might have a third nostril, or 18 fingers, or a speech impediment, or some other disability.
A friend of mine in a wheelchair has not let that stop him from enjoying the world. He overcame this adversity, but it has not ended, and he must continue to overcome. I know another person who came to the country young, and no one could pronounce her name. This can cause self-doubt to creep in, but it can be overcome with the encouragement. I'm certain you have your own examples as you read this, and they are all equally valid.
The external begin early (or late), but they are addressed head on. This fortitude and strength of character that is developed can result in a pride of self and a confidence in self because of the adversity and the continued success in moving past these obstacles. There may be times when the external becomes too much. In those times we rely on friends and family to provide the encouragement to continue fighting to accomplish.
These external are the triumphant stories we may all think of. We can overcome physical disabilities, mental disabilities, outside influences, and the challenges the world throws at us. Each victory stacks to lend strength and confidence in the ability to not let the external control our destination, our destiny. We write the script, and the world makes this difficult to see past what is being thrown at us, being told to us, threatening to crush the spirit that would fight and put those people's comments to rest. Fuck those people, I will do it despite the discouragement and the negativity of the world.
This may be done in isolation, and it may be done with the help of others. I will say, the work is always done in isolation. Even in teamwork, our share of the work is performed in isolation. Our contribution to the world is necessarily accomplished by ourselves; we do the work; we make the strides; we are the source of the production and creation; we are also encouraged to continue doing the work. Others may tell us the actions to take; others may provide the encouragement to continue; others may support us in our time of focused work; others may give the guidance needed to make the right decisions and take the right action; we then take that and do the work. No one can do the work for us. We all have work to do.
Moving on to the internal. These are the roadblocks and the challenges we place in our own way. These are comprised of our own actions that set us back, bring us down.
It is always easier to go downward; moving upward and climbing out of a hole dug by our own hands. Stop digging and start climbing. This work is fucking difficult and at times may seem pointless and impossible or a futile effort that becomes wasted time.
We can hide from these internal obstacles and continue on the downward spiral. Without a conscious awareness of these actions, we would continue to dig this hole, oblivious to the long-term effects. When I awakened, I finally saw where the path would go. The path leads me far away from the goals I have set for myself. Achieving goals is hard work.
The major difference I see between the two is that internal victories are often unnoticed. These take much more time. The slippery ladder of the external begins from day one; climbing out of the hole comes after digging the hole.
There is a time commitment in digging and a time commitment climbing. The internal take more time. These give a feeling that we have wasted time. Those without these internal setbacks can begin on day one with the action. Those who have built the internal obstacles spent time building, and now they must spend the time to tear down the obstacles. It takes longer to recover.
It also takes a keen awareness of self. Without this awareness, we would be stuck in this vicious cycle. We can either spiral slowly (or quickly) down this path. We made these choices. This is a bitter pill to swallow. These are because of actions we chose. This is hard because we can only blame ourselves, and we wasted so much time building a challenge that did not exist before we built it. Now, we must undo what we did to ourselves. How fucked is that? From personal experience I answer, this is very fucked. But we are not permanently disbarred from reaching the goal, we are simply put in a difficult position to reach the goal.
This leads me down a road of self-disgust and self-hatred for not caring enough to see it in the beginning. I was blind to the effects of my actions, blind to how I built those walls. Aw shit, this is not an easy awakening. It is self-defeating and why oh why would I do this to myself. I fucked up.
The external does not have this same sense of fucking up. Overcoming external challenges starts with the climb. The climb is a fight of another. The internal is a fight with ourselves. You know, and I know, it is difficult to change. The external overcomers do not have to change themselves if they start the fight early. They spend their whole lives fighting, but they get a head start that internal overcomers are missing. Five steps back to crawl forward six steps, only to be one step ahead of where we started. The external may take harder steps, but the steps get easier as they develop the strength to fight.
The internal are even harder. Our minds work against us. My mind tells me that I've wasted too much time to move beyond what I have done to myself. Imagine our actions result in arrest and the subsequent criminal record. I did that. It was me. No external force forced me to falter. It spirals to darker and worse places. I already did that one bad thing, what's it to do another? My experience tells me I am this way, why should I take the effort to change who I am? How do I develop a mindful attitude that allows me to pinpoint the source? It is spread throughout the mind. We plot against ourselves and encourage continued behavior because that's what we know.
The external may not experience the same because from the start all they know is adversity and triumph. Winning builds on itself because it fosters the idea that we can do, we can overcome. The internal is the opposite.
I will not begin to say the external cannot become the internal. External may prompt an attitude that it's too hard, and we would then make choices that lead to the internal.
The internal is a choice, the external is not a choice. Overcoming any obstacle is always a choice. Where do we want to begin the process of overcoming? How long will it take for us to awaken? The struggle is real. Life is hard. We make the choice to be stagnant, to push ourselves backward, to push ourselves forward, to knock down the obstacles we built, and once beyond the internal we must then take the steps actually move past the starting line.
Think with me here. If we are running a race, we all start at the starting line. When the gun goes off, ready, set, go! The internal will walk us backward. The external makes the first steps harder because the strength has yet to be developed, but there is no choice but to become strong to move forward. The internal, however, turns around on the sound of the starting gun and begins running backward. Momentum takes hold. The flywheel concept comes into play. If we begin moving backward, Newton would tell us the body is in motion and wants to continue in the same motion if not acted upon by some force working to counteract the momentum. This momentum from the external gets the flywheel turning in a positive direction. The momentum of the internal starts to unwind and work against us. Both are choices to move, to act, and to push in either direction we choose. When the internal realizes it is running the wrong direction, it can turn around. It must then change the direction and work to push that flywheel in the opposite direction. It notices that the race is being run in the other direction. Well, fuck me! I've been running in the wrong direction until this moment of awareness. Now, I have to run the other way. My path is now longer. I must still run the same race, but I'm no longer at the starting line.
Am I now mad at myself? Do I throw my hands up in defeat? Do I accept this as my fate, as who I am? Is it even worth it to turn around? Can I fucking make it to the finish line with the time remaining on the clock? Can I feel accomplished if I only finish half the race before time runs out? Does it even matter that the internal may have run a longer race in the same amount of time? The path may be longer if I turn around and sprint as fucking fast as I can to get as far as I can in the time allowed. Does this count? When I get back to the starting line, will I have the strength of character to continue? Do you want it? Are you committed, or are you just fantasizing about what you could have been? Is there a victim in this scenario, is that victim you? These questions you must answer for yourself.
I would posit the work is worth it. Continuing backward in this race with our eyes closed will one day end with an eye-opening experience. We will look in the mirror and become conscious of our choices. This may be on the deathbed, or it may be at 35, but it might also happen at 18. Be mindful, and I do hope, for your sake, you wake up before it's too late. The longer we dig that hole, the harder it becomes to get out of the hole.
The internal is worse than the external. Another reason is that the external still exists in tandem with the internal. Get to the starting line, kick your ass into high gear, and fucking get it done. How will you overcome your internal struggles, know yourself, move beyond self, and focus on the external?
This is Learning Made Hard.