That's a powerful word, shouldn't. I was told recently that I shouldn't feel a certain way. I should have recognized that the person talking didn't know what they were talking about. I was talking about experience at something because the other person asked. When I told them, their response was, "that's all?" Including the dismissive tone that expresses disapproval and an attitude of negativity. It felt like the words, "that's all" held the power to just upset me that this person doesn't know what their talking about. I stepped back a second to collect myself. I kindly told them that their comment got to me. It did, and man I don't think you understand what that actually means, and you're forgetting this other relevant experience, and there's this other stuff, and your comment is very dismissive of the entire accomplishment. She then said that she thought I'd have more because I do it so often and I've been doing it a long time; the other guys have more, so I figured you would to. I was even doubly hurt. I reminded her that the other guys didn't have the relevant experience that I had, and my experience was actually more than the other one, but she's not counting certain aspects that actually count. She defended herself by saying that she didn't know. Oh, now she sees, yeah, that makes sense. Then she says that I "shouldn't feel that way" because she didn't know this stuff. That made her dismissive comments okay? Because she didn't know what she was talking about, she was allowed to be rude about it, then defend her knowledge and saying well because of this thing then she thought it should be more, and she just didn't know.

I am happy that I got the opportunity to see this. This make two incidents, in as many days, where my feelings were not allowed because I was given context. The entirely revealing part of these experiences... wanna guess? I'll give you a second to think about your answer and won't put it right here yet. You might be able to guess the other people in those experiences. First was my dad, a softer approach for sure. Second was my mom, the much harsher and defensive, non-apologetic version that tells me I shouldn't feel a certain way. I should be able to not feel that way. If I were better, I wouldn't feel that way and would just know that because who is saying the rude and dismissive thing doesn't know what their talking about. And I should have automatically known, and then for the person to later admit they didn't know what they were talking about and now defend themselves because I shouldn't feel that way. That's not the way to treat people. That's not the way I will treat my children. I am so glad to see this now. I refuse to repeat these patterns.