Nick was about to start the call with his therapist. He was still wearing his pajamas, but he had showered that day. He walked from the kitchen after putting away his cereal bowl. His instinct was to grab a shirt. He grabbed the first one he saw, smelled it, smelled it again. This one is about ready, he says as he tosses the shirt into the laundry basket.

There is another shirt laying on the floor a couple feet from the laundry basket. He smelled it once and put it on. Nick felt like he would be about one minute late to his video appointment with the therapist. It'll be okay, one minute is nothing, and she understands. But I should definitely apologize for being late, Nick raced through this series of thoughts and more in the time it took to unlock his computer. He had a lot to tell his therapist today, and his mind was racing over every little detail. His frantic fingers typed the wrong password twice before he slowed down to get it correct. He chalked the mistakes up to simple oversight, and his eventual success erased the mistakes altogether.

At one minute past the hour, Nick logged into the video chat.

I must apologize for being one minute late, were his first words.

Oh, Nick, it's only one minute. Not a problem, Sherri responded.

Thank you for that grace and kindness. My head is racing so much that I was rushing to get everything done to be prepared to focus with you today, It's been hectic up here doc. Nick rattled off his sentences with barely a breath.

Just take a deep breath. We're here now. Sherri said in her unusually calming voice. She had a way of speaking that eased Nick's racing mind. The melody of her voice was pleasant, and the cadence of her speech was an agreeable tune. The demeanor of this therapist was of supporting best friend rather than a stereotypical role. The professionalism existed in a high degree, but there was a difference Nick noticed with Sherri that he hadn't found with others.

The session was mostly a blur of what Nick felt was repeated lessons without much progress. One exchange stands out above the rest.

I am not sure why the thoughts keep coming back, Nick shared.

This part of the process and normal, Sherri assured him.

I have a good guess why the thoughts come back. It's all the reminders what I could have done and the realization of missed opportunities, Nick continued without any regard for her reassurance.

Nick, remember that it wasn't all you. It takes two..., Sherri said before she was cut off.

I'm gonna stop you right there, Nick asserted, I keep hearing this thing about "it takes two", and I believe it misses the point.

These things are never one-sided, and both people play a role, you have said yoursel...

I'm jumping in again because I'm tired of hearing this nonsense, Nick was speaking more firmly. He took a deep breath before continuing, and another. He slowed his breathing and calmly said, I understand that it does take two people to engage in a relationship. It takes two people to fuck it up. It only takes one person to stop the cycle. It takes one person to be present and give the other space. It doesn't matter what the other person does. If I can maintain my presence, then the escalation doesn't happen. It doesn't take two, and we can't sit here and analyze someone else's conduct. We can only look at my behavior and how I can create lasting change. I am tired of hearing people trying to take blame off me and place it on them. They didn't make me do the things I did. It takes one. Me.

Thank you, Nick, Sherri said with a pause, thank you for saying something. So, you can stop your part of the cycle, not theirs. Have you considered that you're taking on all of the responsibility?

Nick thought for a second about how best to say these next words, yes, I'm taking on my responsibility, but I really mean something bigger.

What do you mean, bigger? Sherri asked with a slight intrigue in her voice.

The bigger portion is that their part matters very little when I am taking care of myself and practicing to manage and regulate my behavior, Nick had this response prepared from journaling and trying to explain the unfinished idea before. He wanted to discuss this topic with Sherri today because it came up in his journaling a few days prior.

With a smile spreading across her face, I am happy to hear that you are not looking at anyone but yourself. That is a healthy approach to healing. I'm really proud of the growth I'm seeing in you, Sherri replied. Your walls have really been coming down.

Thank you, Nick paused and gathered his words again. I have to disagree with you though, and I feel bad for correcting your analogy. I don't want this to be heard as criticism. I prefer to think that I am expanding on your work so I can apply it to myself. I am moving away from the walls analogy because the image is of something passive that is blocking the way. In my head, it feels closer to an active participant pushing me back and holding me down. The fight inside is not against a wall. It's against the inner critic that tells me how much I'm failing, it's against the insecurities that tell me I'm not good enough, it's against the voice that says I can't do it. I realize I'm rambling on about this, and I appreciate you for listening.

I didn't think you were rambling, no worries, Sherri offered. I appreciate you clarifying what this means for you. That's what we're here for.

Nick had a feeling of ease wash over him as she stayed present with him in that moment. He said a silent prayer for an old friend. There was something more Nick remembered from that session with his therapist. Sherri began asking questions about his plans for the future, and Nick found himself sharing his plans with someone for the first time.