What other people say or do, those things typically affect my life very little. Gaining power over oneself has become a goal. This allows me to be a good person and pursue a meaningful career, which are the only two things needed for a good life. Inward is the promoted direction.

One must look inward. That's where the real stuff is found. I have told myself a story, a lie perhaps: "other people will let me down, they will leave." Or maybe this becomes one of those hypotheses like Olive had. Although, I don't like the negativity presented. Because it's not always true that other people will let me down or leave. For that reason, I resist starting from that assumption. And if everyone leaves, that is probably a sign that I need to change. But that's not what we're working with here.

Let's switch the relativity here, what if the people aren't leaving, but it is me that's leaving? It only appears like they are leaving, when it's really me. What if we back out a layer yet still and ask, is it leaving or is it going? If we're going somewhere, and they can't keep up, or go somewhere else, did any leaving actually take place?

We can leave these questions in rhetorical territory and use the device for showing how mindset and perspective changes things. By changing the questions I ask, I can change my perspective and how I see things. This can be an expanded view, but now we are just demonstrating the advantages of taking time to think, looking inward for the answer instead of elsewhere.

Was I a nice person today? Yes. Then we've succeeded in part.

Did I learn something today? Yes. Another success.

Did I read something today? Yes.

Did I write something today? Yes.

Did I move my body today? Yes.

Did I help someone today? Yes.

Did I love today? Yes.

Add these all together, and it starts to look like a very successful day.

It'll be nice to take a proper vacation. I don't remember when I did that, and I certainly don't remember how to take vacation. I think I should read books and do push ups. Set a budget, create a routine, live worry free. Sounds easy enough, and I am sure there will be hurdles along the way and minor inconveniences that give me the opportunity to slow down and be in the moment, knowing there is no more perfect moment than this one. When is a rose perfect?

I feel like my understanding is misconstrued by my own word choice. Self-obfuscating language. This is to say, I say shit and people don't understand my thought. This is a me problem, maybe. I might use the description of "perfect" to describe something. Someone else may point out apparent inconsistency with the present declaration of perfection and previous statements of less than perfection.

An attempt to unravel this confusion could be made, and this is context. I mean perfect in my eyes and not wanting it to be any different because if it were different it wouldn't be the same. Oh, I need to be careful here. I might write myself into changing my mind. That's happened before.

Because "not wanting to be different" doesn't mean not wanting change and growth. And "not wanting to keep apologizing" doesn't mean not wanting to apologize, repair, and change. My intentions are good, but I speak without thinking at times. Although, I don't want to have to think about every nuanced meaning. I do think about the impact of my words. I will continue to do my best to think before I speak. This may take some extra time, and that's okay.

Perhaps these are lessons learned and written about before. I don't know why each new writing feels like another level unlocked. It's the same stuff, repeated in different, or the same, words. But somehow, each new retelling forces the concepts deeper into the mind, which is where it becomes forward thinking instead of hindsight. At the point of switching between hindsight and foresight, interactions become easier. The shift is subtle and happens without fanfare. The person making the shift will be the only one to notice at first. Others will begin to catch on when responses are different from what they had come to expect. New people will not know there was ever a before for comparison.

Here me now. There are things to do. There are people to help. There is hope and belief for the exquisite beauty of my wonderful favorite person finally arriving. I would have sworn up and down (and for now still do) that I had already found my person. I wonder if the future would have it one way or the other. It's just a question mark right now. Who will it be? I am excited to find out.

I heard some advice, and I'm trying to implement it: don't chase love or death, both will arrive at their time. This breaks down into how to live really. Live in the present and the rest will come in due time. If I am preoccupied by thinking of death, then I miss out on living. The same can be said for chasing love. I don't want to overlook what is in front of me for the sake of longing.

I can remind myself, and it will be okay. I choose to be loving. I am loving, kind, gentle, nice, patient, encouraging, joyful, playful, sweet, and the list goes on. I am these good things. My past actions do not have to fit with this description. I learned, the hard way, remember?

Old friend: You changed.

Me: Yep. I'm glad you noticed.