This book started more than five years ago when my world was changing. But it was put down, the lessons forgotten, and the patterns repeated. I finished this book shortly after my 39th birthday. On my 39th birthday, I looked at the flowers on the counter that were on their way to dying, I read the card from my ex-wife, for whom these flowers were purchased while she was my wife just a couple weeks prior. It was this catalyst that drove me to finish this book. I must define what it wasn't, and we can back into to what it was. This wasn't the book about how to get over a loss; this wasn't the book about how to get back in the game after a loss; this wasn't the book about finding the right one; this wasn't a book about moving on. This was a recognition that there are wounds from the past that need healing; this was the acknowledgment that my actions hurt someone; this is the healing I need; this recognition extended to who I was as a person, a husband, and who I will be as a father; this was the recognition that I wasn't ready. This is an affirmation to myself that I am doing the right thing by doing the hard thing. I do not fight the path in front of me; I do not look for the easy road; I do not obsess about how difficult it looks; I simply analyze the situation, say a brief gratitude, and proceed with the task.

I had it in my head that I could ignore these parts and cut them out. I don't have to feel sad. There are no problems. This mindset didn't allow me to heal. I refused to acknowledge that I needed to heal. I thought it would go away if I ignored it long enough. That was the attempted shortcut. It showed short term success. The success was a temporary reprieve from the underlying issues. The hard way, dealing with it head on, would have been faster and easier than the road I chose to travel.

This book is about how I became a whole being. This book is about how I learned to be with myself. This book is about how I learned to be a man. I've done it the hard way. I made all the mistakes. I welcome you on this journey. This is Learning Made Hard. But don't worry, as I've come to learn, the hard way only looks hard at first, it's actually the fastest and easiest way.