It would be sooo cool to have my business partner again. I wish we could set boundaries and make that work. It seems like neither one of us is good at boundaries, and she knows it better than I do. She doesn't trust me. I don't trust her. And damn did both of us cross boundaries the last time we spoke. We were doing so good! AHHH!! And there is my head telling me it could be different. But it takes her side. That's where I failed. I fixed my side, to a point, and then her side didn't change at all. I saw no progress from her.

I was thrown back into the crazy mind of defending myself from attacks. She always told me that I didn't care, and it sends me into a spiral. She hasn't done the learning that I have done. I can't call her out on her stuff because she denies and redirects toward me. There is no ownership. That was what I said I would need to see, and I didn't see any of it. I saw excuses. Her fears didn't let her speak freely. She probably already knew this was an issue, and I assumed she didn't because of the words she was using. I don't know how she can keep the important stuff in her head. If she had just said that, instead of redirecting it back at me to say that I didn't know what was in her head and that I was trying to tell her what to think and how to feel. She could have joked about it and claimed the credit. I would have been shut up. If she didn't attack me by saying I was mansplaining. That is just rude and shuts me down. It could have been said, thank you, I know this and that is the work I'm doing, I didn't say it out loud because that's not the conversation I want to have with you, please don't bring this up again. That statement would have showed me that she was aware, that feels like ownership. She shut down and attacked me instead.

I had so much fun working with my partner. I had so much fun with that lady. I don't like doing it by myself. I really enjoyed having someone to bounce ideas with. I really love it. It is so much fun to build together.

Legos, businesses, apartment styles, a life, etc. A partner is a wonderful thing.

I am sad that it didn't work out. I am sad. I am disappointed in myself. I am disappointed in her.

It really didn't matter about the new wounds. I was wrong and said wrong, and I wish my apology could help heal the wound. I am available to help heal wounds. I have been trying to do so. It felt unfair that I became the cause of all her wounds. She can't fix her childhood wounds with me. She can fix the wounds that I caused with me. I am available for such repair and healing. No attacks and no judgement. If the goal is her healing, I am willing to discuss the past. If the goal is to just tell me how I did wrong, then I do not want to discuss it. I have apologized many many times, and I am tired of being painted as the guy that just hurt her.

My comment was meant to help because separating wounds that I caused from wounds that pre-existed would be beneficial. I see areas where wounds existed prior and I touched those areas again. That doesn't mean that I caused those wounds.

I am using this on myself as well. This is the path for healing that I have learned through several books and therapists. This method repeats itself throughout.

She caused new wounds and insecurities in me. I question myself constantly. I wonder if I will offend someone. I walk around on eggshells with other people, and I am very quick to apologize. I am very aware of the effects my words are having. I do know these came from her. I used to not be afraid to be disliked. Now I find myself catering to everyone else's needs a bit too much. I am also seeing the progress from my healing journey. I am being more of myself with certain statements, and I have the added ability to repair and connect if something wrong is said.