Nathan sat at the same coffee shop on his ninth day on the island. He had recently extended his trip, and the thought weighed on him heavy about a New Life. New life must be defined, he thought, and Nathan attempted to define that term for himself.

What is this life that I want to live? What can this day bring that is more in line with the desired life? Am I already living the dream life where I can wake up and go get coffee, sit for a bit while reading or writing? Then off to have a phone call with a friend. Then to see the person at the local store that has milk. I won't have to work as much, so I can focus on a project I'm working on. I would slowly build relationships with people through my daily hobbies and activities.

To Nathan, this description feels like a dream. He realized something he found almost troubling, but definitely telling. He wondered, where are the relationships? He thought that might be an issue. This life doesn't build deep relationships, or it doesn't appear to. But, the question still escapes him of what that relationship might look like and where it would fit into this life he's building.

The way thoughts wind around before they enter Nathan's mind is something he thinks about. He considered if the connection between ideas and the strong correlations seem illogical. Oh man, he says to himself, there I go thinking again. He didn't have anywhere to be for the rest of the day. He ordered another coffee and was excited to see where these thoughts might take him.

How about this... Shut down the business, move somewhere, start over. Nathan wondered why that would be the first thought to go through his mind. His yoga practice was particularly difficult today, and his thoughts jumped to that topic next.

Oh man this is really hard today! What's going on? My body takes months or more of practice to get there. It is not a skill but more ability. I can teach you the pose, which is the skill. But to do the pose, it takes time for the body to adjust to the pose and get new muscles, balance, flexibility. It's the getting there, the journey, the what I learn about my body while I couldn't do the pose. There are other muscles that need to grow, and tendons and ligaments, and the body literally changes to accommodate the yoga practice. The mind allows for this, but the mind wants it quick. The progress from one day to the next is nearly imperceptible, and from one month to the next, still small, but from one year to the next, there is substantial progress, and it builds on itself to create a flywheel effect.

Nathan had to get his notebook to write some of these thoughts down. His leather bag was on the ground next to the table. He reached over and opened the top flap. He pulled out his notebook and then a pen from the front pocket. He opened to the next blank page and began to jot down these thoughts. He had a quick thought for how perfect the table height was for writing. Nathan took another sip of the coffee and documented his thoughts with purpose. He started with his yoga practice.

As he goes through his yoga practice, he finds difficulty in allowing results to come naturally. Nathan noticed that his mind can become impatient. He knows the results will arrive, and he reminds himself regularly to be patient and just keep going. He has a thought he holds onto that says if he quits then it might be easier, and he could find a more gentle way to exercise. He strongly believes that going through the hard work is entirely worth the result. Nathan allows the thought of the easy road to pass by. That is not an option for him. He learned to love the journey, regardless of the difficulty level.

His mind begins racing about the journey. Loving the journey came when Nathan started to love himself. That's what made the most sense when Nathan tried to identify how this change happened. Nathan was learning to fall in love with his own presence, and he was better able to choose people who resonated with him. Nathan became more aware of his emotional experience. He was becoming a confident safe space for himself and others as the days went by. He was becoming more empathetic and tried to remain present when others encountered their own pain, without taking it as his job to fix it.

Nathan thought through his own wounds that were present in relationships. The result of all that prior thinking was condensed in this session. Today, he moved away from the torture that was once present and skipped straight to the lesson and the growth. His awareness came in the form of what he needs to remain emotionally grounded.

Nathan already figured out that he needs time alone in nature. To accomplish this, he takes walks. No music. No podcast or book. Just nature. That's how he arrived at this cafe this afternoon. He threw his bag over his shoulder and started down the road. Just a little while later he found himself seated at this cafe. He almost felt called to come here today. This is one of the ways Nathan is staying connected to himself.

Nathan likes to take the time to really get to know what he needs to be deeply connected to himself. There was a time when he wasn't aware of his emotional experience, and he didn't know what he needed to process it. He was disconnected and lost himself. Over time, Nathan became more anxious and fearful. He was closed off to the world and those closest to him. Nathan discovered that disconnection with himself had been the leading cause of disconnection with others. Disconnection feels most real when he's surrounded by people like he is today. The cafe was full, and Nathan was snapped back into reality when someone asked to use the second chair from his small table outside. He sat alone at this table but didn't feel the same disconnection he had in mind.

He figured out that he needed to stay connected to his heart and his soul. He became vigilant in setting the boundaries that protect his needs. Upon realizing he was disconnected and what havoc that caused in his life, Nathan felt like he couldn't trust himself until he knew what he needed to stay emotionally grounded. This motivation was key in his development. The development was to take care of himself first, love himself for it, and then the rest would follow. That was Nathan's working theory. He set out to test it, and from day one, it didn't seem to work as well as he'd hoped.

The negative thoughts seemed to return quickly, and he tried to let them pass. At first, he was successful, but the thoughts returned again and again. His coping mechanisms didn't feel very effective at times. The mantras were working, but they weren't working. It was extremely difficult for Nathan to make sense of any of this supposed healing and safe presence he was becoming for himself. He noticed if he was beating himself up. He practiced compassion. He caught any name calling and practiced kindness. When Nathan would hear negativity around him, he would notice it differently. He began to catch his own thoughts more quickly to turn them positive. At one point, it took days of reflection and thinking to understand a negativity. There was a profound moment for Nathan when it felt like a switch flipped, and he started to see and replace negative with positive. The moment came when he was humbled, for real.

Nathan took a moment to order another cappuccino just as the first was running low. This was becoming a habit of his to sit and drink coffee while thinking and writing. He reminisced over the days gone by. Nathan finished his first cappuccino and delighted in where he was right now. Moments later, a second coffee is delivered to the table. He tried to bring his mind back to the present, breathing and mindfully mixing the sugar into his coffee.

He had been aware of his tendency to fall off in his head for some time now. His ex started to dislike that about him at one point. Nathan remembers with a chuckle the time spent ruminating on that criticism of himself, and after much introspection, deciding this was his super power instead of something that needed to be fixed. Some people may have to wait or gently nudge him back to the conversation. Although, Nathan doesn't like to rely on others if he doesn't have to. He started being more mindful of talking instead of thinking. With the Thumper principle in mind, he recognized that positive self talk and always scanning for good and happy moments trains his mind to see those things more quickly, think of those things more easily, and say those things more often.

Thinking of the good things, Nathan thinks on his journey to get to this table at a cafe on an island across the world. As he counts the different events that had to happen for him to be right here right now, he marvels on how it has been nothing short of lucky and spectacularly filled with moments of hard truths lived and learned. Nathan takes a gratitude moment. Grateful for his past and what he has learned. He breathes through that moment. Four seconds in breath.... .... ... ... Six seconds out breath... ... ... ... ... ... ... He repeats his favorite mantra at a whisper, trust the universe, everything is working out in my favor, dance naked on the beach.

This trip began as a short reprieve. It has blossomed into a full chapter in Nathan's life. Nathan has been known to make life decisions in the time it takes to brush his teeth, but this decision didn't feel like that. Most decisions that look hasty on the outside are actually long considered prior to the action taken. This felt like something he'd been working on for a long time that finally came into focus.

Nathan began writing about the life he was building. Nathan thought about how he wanted to build a life that he can be proud of because he calls it his own. That first thought became bland and too generic for Nathan to accept. His mind thinks on all of these things to find some solution, and he doesn't want to float around without a goal. That kind of existence is exactly what scares Nathan, and he ignores the thoughts that tell him he's not making progress. That's one of the reasons behind why he has chosen to take this time to think and work through his life.

He has been reacting to life and sliding into situations without fully thinking them through. Nathan feels a tear begin to form in his eye. He reminds himself of a mantra he's been trying out, Not because we are trying to impress anyone, but because we are trying to be happy. Nathan came up with this mantra a little while back when he noticed he was making plans with other people in mind. He wondered what others might think of his decision. He then wondered what would make him happy, not what would make someone else happy. Or really because of any way it might make someone else feel, he thought.

Nathan takes another sip of his coffee and laughs a little out loud. He has such a fun time being his own company while thinking and learning more about himself. He embraced his role as observer of thoughts, and he didn't take every thought so seriously. Everything was serious and nothing was serious, and he confused himself in the beginning. He found himself struggling to make that balance, but when he noticed the thoughts, he laughed. Laughing and accepting thoughts is a fun way to keep things moving in a positive direction, or at least he tells himself. This laughter, however, was slightly different in origin.

Nathan sometimes likes to put himself in the shoes of another. He applies his new thoughts or theories to past situations, overlaying on the logic of others. He tries to see how the decisions of others make more sense with different understanding. He aims for a higher level of empathy and compassion for others through the understanding he gains. It becomes a real-time application of the thoughts for him. The laughter finds its origin in the realization that someone had made an informed decision where before it seemed inconceivable.

With this laugh, Nathan realizes he's long been out of coffee. The sun started to get low as he began to notice the time. Most of the crowd left an hour ago. They never did bring his other chair back. Nathan smiled and laughed one more time. This was a laugh of joy. He enjoyed himself today. His own company and the kindness he showed to himself felt like true connection and self care. He said a brief gratitude for the time he spent with himself today. Nathan got up from the table and started the walk back home, whistling as he walked.

This day was complete.