"We assume someone's inability to show up for us means we are not worthy, when many times it simply reflects the limits of their capacity."

That's a quote from Jillian Turecki that is telling us how someone treats us is rarely about us. It is simply "a reflection of their capacity, upbringing, and their internal state at any given moment."

It has nothing to do with the other person, my inability isn't about you, and yours is not about me. They are more aptly described as the reflections of an internal state. It's all the other stuff going on that is causing this, and it has nothing to do with that person. This revelation allows me to not take things so personally. It wasn't me. It was them. It wasn't them. It was me. This goes in circles and can be corrected when one realizes their own limits and how they are showing up is because of themselves, not the other person.

Regulate instead of react. Easy enough. Notice the thing and allow it. Do nothing. The less reactive one can be, the healthier their relationships become.

Turning this back inward, we can realize and retrain. Not sure how those words fit here, but let's try. Realization of one's own limits and capacity, one's own present state and the various causes therefor. Retraining of oneself to be non-reactive and present. Made them fit hehe.

Learning and thinking, meditating and breathing, listening and going deeper. Aspects of a growth mindset. Little bit better every day.

A philosophy for living: Act with love. Let the rest fall in line.

I love you. I choose you, now and forever. But that does not create any obligation on your part. It is freely given, patient, kind, protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres.

Kyle wrapped his fingers around the grip of the pistol. The steel was cold to the touch, but the coldness didn't bother him as much today. The sweat dried from his palms, and he no longer feared the other side. It had been months leading up to this moment. As he wrapped his hand around the grip, his index finger slid inside the trigger well. He placed the barrel of the gun against his temple, with a brief thought for the angle, wondering if the bullet would miss the vital parts and leave him horribly disfigured and brain damaged. One more breath, that's all that remains. The exhale was slow and deliberate. A calm breath, reminding him of the meditation that no longer helped quiet his mind. The only quiet would come after the explosion happening inside the pistol. His finger squeezed the trigger, slowly at first, until he reached the end of his exhale. Kyle has made his decision, and with a bit of haste he pulled the trigger as hard as was necessary until he heard it.

Click....

There was nothing more after that moment. Kyle was left with his thoughts, and the hundred years that passed in the moment of that click. How could it have gotten to this point? What truly made him feel alive? Where had it gone?

The thoughts kept racing after the click. Kyle opened his eyes to find himself staring back at him in the mirror. There was no explosion, only a click. The thoughts stopped in that moment. He found peace and a reason. Kyle dropped the magazine from the pistol and cocked it to eject the bullet. There was an indentation on the bullet when he inspected it. That was the moment Kyle realized he was given a second chance. He made the decision, went through the action, pulled the trigger, and something else decided it wasn't his day to die. His choice did not align with the bigger picture, and it was not his choice that won the day. In his mind, he was to be dead. To his dismay and delight, he was not dead.

A misfire saved his life. On that day, Kyle decided that he would live. Something else decided that wasn't his day to die. He fell to the floor, weakness in his whole body as he convulsed in tears. Was this sadness or happiness? It was impossible to tell because of the circumstances. When asked years later, Kyle would tell us both emotions existed simultaneously in equal amounts. The sadness, however, quickly disappeared. The happiness turned to joy. It gave him a new perspective on what life meant. If it was so easily taken away, there must be a reason for it not to be taken from him on that day.

Was it luck, or was it fate? This question plagued Kyle until he came to realize something bigger. The luck vs. fate debate wouldn't resolve anything for him. Even if he had the answer to that question, how would it affect him differently. The answer is what he decides. He decided to live fully, not worrying whether it was luck. He knew that he was here, and he was going to make his presence a positive for the world he continues to inhabit. He wasn't finished, although he made a valiant effort to finish the game on his own timeline.

His life continued, and he found a zeal that hadn't existed since before he could recall.