This is a safe space. This space allows for all feelings and emotions. There is calm and ease in this space. There exists a capacity to hold what arises.

Breathe with me. We're here together. I'm with you. Nothing can happen. Breathe. I love you.

It doesn't matter what you do, I love you. Love does not have to be earned or questioned. There is no doubt about the love. The space is kind and loving. The time is yours, and I will be here through the storms and sunshine. As much as bubbly water is nice, still water receives the same admiration. Bubbles, no bubbles, doesn't matter, the life-sustaining water is appreciated all the same.

I've learned a bit about this topic of safety, and all of it points in the same direction. The key appears to be grounding oneself to allow space for others in their experience. It has also been said to be incorporating the shadow self. It might also be called embodiment. There is another side of embracing the feminine. Yet we may also call it healing. Some others could use the word self-compassion and mean something similar.

Many names for the same thing. The thing is allowing emotional experiences without reacting with defensive mechanisms. The defenses are designed to ignore or eliminate the uncomfortable emotions. There is a whole body of thinking about why this may be the case, and childhood starts most of it. It's the unconscious behaviors that were learned and never questioned. One thing may be learned by some and another thing learned by others, but the working theory is that healthy patterns require knowledge and conscious observation and decision.

Reactions are the opposite of conscious decision. It's the automatic response, the one that doesn't take time to determine what might be appropriate. But it reacts with safety in mind. By reminding myself that I am safe, no danger is present, I can remain in control of the response. This is high ideals, wishful thinking, and the intended course of action.

I choose to be safe for myself. I choose to love myself no matter what. I choose to act in ways that make myself proud. I am here for others in the same way I am here for myself. How I treat myself is how I treat others.

There was a time when I would choose differently. I would harm myself to harm others. It's been a long while since those choices where popular or prevalent. I used to wonder why I was acting in such a manner. I had thoughts, and I didn't understand those thoughts were not me. I began to identify with the thoughts, and defined myself by what I would randomly think. It has since been explained and understood that the first thoughts are not "me." The "me" is the one who can see the thought and determine what to do with it before action is taken. Then after proper discernment, action can be taken with a set of higher ideals and higher purpose. That's all past, but the habits to counter-think remain present. The skill expands capacity, and the ability to stay present increases.

That's where safety is based. I know the answer, and yet I don't understand many, many things. This ramble has rambled enough.

There's too much to say to explain the change. The explanation does little more than try to give words to a theory. The practical application is where the interesting part happens. That becomes the feeling experienced in any specific interaction with self or others.

It's all good. No one needs to hear the change. It can be seen and felt. They will know when they interact with me. I don't need to tell them. I don't need to convince anyone. Those who are unwilling to look will not know. Those who are unwilling to see, despite looking, are stuck in their own world. It is not my responsibility to help anyone except myself (this statement could use refining because there are responsibilities to others, partner, children, friends, strangers, etc.). The key here is to help myself so I am capable of helping another. Put my own oxygen mask on first. Airlines have been teaching this for decades.

Before I can help someone, I must first ask if they want help. I need permission. I am not here to change anyone. I am, however, here to help. I'm here. All I can offer is my presence as a witness and cheerleader to another. I want the best for them. If someone asks for my help, I give it, within reason. This is not a compulsive need to help, but it is a recognition that the purpose is to make this a better place for those around me.

Safety. I may have messed this up by trying to help where help wasn't asked for. Helping when it's not asked can have the effect of making someone think they need to change, like what they did was wrong or unacceptable. This happened recently, and I had the chance to try and help someone act in a way that I thought was better. It was a selfish act. I didn't have to do this, and I may have justified it by saying I was helping them. I wasn't though. I only made them feel like they were doing something wrong. That didn't help. It is more likely the advice will not be taken, and the person will continue with how they acted with the slight addition of thinking they don't want to do this around me because of the ensuing judgement. Perhaps a full explanation of how I feel affected by their actions could illuminate why I find the behavior less than ideal. If I give that explanation, there is a chance that I will be convinced of how wrong I am, and I will be the one to change. Without the explanation, I can tell myself what I think is true and continue to think they don't understand. If there is a recognition prior to the action, then the action can be avoided, the explanation never needed, and the judgment can be avoided. The shame or contempt can be avoided by saying nothing. The negative thoughts can be replaced with happy ones. Judgment is replaced with compassion.

What's the difference between compassion and pandering sympathy?

I have an answer that takes more of this page than I wanted to write today. Pandering sympathy just says "you're absolutely right, they are wrong" without regard for the situation. It's almost enabling. It's the statement that says "everything happens for a reason." Compassion is different because it meets the person where they are and allows them space to just be. It says, "I'm here with you, you don't need to rush."

There was no time limit. We had the rest of our lives...