It's debatable whether kisses would be appropriate (definitely not in this context though) in certain situations, but hugs, those are appropriate. Let's discuss.

We can care for others during the difficult times, but we can't save them, nor can we rescue them. My magic wand went missing years ago, and I'm kinda glad for that. I must realize that my best is just supporting the ones I care for during the bad times, and the good. It's a much better position for all involved.

It's helpful to listen. When I try to fix things, I am doing nothing but dismissing the feelings of the person I would like to fix. There is nothing wrong with them. I've been through this multiple times before, and I fucked it all up in the past. As a man, everything looks like a problem to be solved. How can I rescue them from the situation? Well, I can't. She's not the Mario Princess I saved as a kid. She's not Snow White. She's not Sleeping Beauty who can be saved with a kiss. I can't slay her dragons. I cannot defeat that evil witch who made her eat that apple. She's not helpless. She's a fucking T-Rex! She will kick the ass of all those demons and bad guys. I can be a home base, and I can sharpen her sword while she defeats them, but I can't do it for her. I won't try. She does not need me to do it for her. She's a bad-ass motha fucka. 😉

I will say this: These are temporary. You will get through this. I will be here while you work your way to the other side. You are not alone. I see you. I care for you. If you do need anything, please ask. I won't jump in there to fix you. You are perfectly capable of handling this on your own, but you will not be alone while you work on your own. You can handle this. You're a bad-ass motha fucka, and you are strong enough to take care of business.

I will do this: Hug you, give you an ear (both of them), encourage you, support you, show compassion, ask for nothing in return, provide a place for you to feel safe, be strong for you (to the best of my ability), allow you space, allow you to take moments to yourself, allow you to vent, allow you the emotional space and mental breathing room you need, give of my time, not try to fix you, not try to fix the situation, not take away your power, allow you to be you, leave a vacancy on my shoulder for you to rest and regroup, and be a friend.

Maybe, big Maybe, I can offer some advice, but only if she asks. I perhaps can help with guidance, but I wouldn't presume to think she needs it. I want her to know she's not alone. You're not alone, I will say. You're supported, I will say. If she reads this, she'll know.

I write this, not for her, but for me. I am exploring ways to help her grow into the woman of power she already is. Help, that's all we're talking about here. But it is damn hard to just sit back and watch. Everything inside me is screaming, Save Her! And then the voice of reason, the voice of compassion takes the lead. Good thing.

We discussed compassion recently. Show it. Live it. Give freely. Give genuinely. Don't be the smothering type, the dismissive type. And if she's sweaty, tell her she needs a shower. White lies do more harm than good. Remember, we are who we think others think we are. Do not deceive others in this sense. They may get a false sense of who they are. When this house of cards crumbles, I would be left as the lying guy. Is there a chance that they would like me more because I'm the one who tells them they're beautiful when they look weird? I won't test this theory because I have already tested it, and it never worked out in the past. Honesty coupled with compassion is the path I choose to take. And I can still like them when they're smelling funky. If appropriate, I could offer to wash their back, because that needs washing too LOL.

Knowing the audience is once again key. A cornerstone of good relationships is keeping within the boundaries set by others. It shows respect. Be respectful of boundaries; it is the ultimate form of love. Not that romantic type, but the caring type. Some will know the difference. Others will be confused by trying to wrap their heads around the difference. I have always been confused by this. Yes, always. I can't seem to tell the difference at times, especially with the opposite sex. I've been actively trying to develop friendships. Here's a bit of brutal honesty about my past. I slept with most of the women I knew from five years ago and before (gasp!! I'm not a virgin haha (at this age, none of us are)). I didn't much show respect for who they were as people. At least not the kind of respect that I now believe they deserved. But this doesn't hold true for all situations. I am still friends with a lot of these ladies. Our relationships developed, and it was never an emotional thing, it was a physical thing. Today, this is different, but it's not fixed entirely. It's an ongoing effort. I can't do it once and think I'm cured. I ain't that naive. We ain't kids no more.

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I thought as a child, I understood as a child; but when I became a man, I put away those childish things. This transition did not take place on my 18th birthday, and not even my 28th birthday, perhaps it was at 38, hard to draw the line because I'm still just a big kid at heart. It's a childish curiosity, not a childish state of mind, and it's a playful sense, not childish thinking, it's the fun in life that matters. If you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong. Some days, I do it wrong. I'll never be "there." I'm a flawed work in progress. On the day I pass out of this world, in that moment, I will be perfect. I hope it doesn't come too soon. If time happened all at once, life would indeed be pointless. When time travel is figured out, I'm not sure how that will affect the lives of people. Can we say it is never invented because we have never seen the future person? Nah, I have hope. Those future people will take classes in the rules of time travel. They would never let on that they were from the future because this would fuck shit up. Do no harm. Don't fuck shit up.

We'll make it through this, and we won't be affected to such a degree as time creates that objective distance, allowing us to reflect. With practice, the time between event and reflection lessens. Meditate, and this time can be reduced. Active practice makes us better at all skills. Control the mind. Mind control!? Fuck yeah! Oh, this is self-control, not mind control of others, bummer...

You mean I gotta work?? Nobody said there would be work involved. Yeah, right... I've been saying that all along. Do the work, make progress, grow in strength, grow in self. That's the work.

This is Learning Made Hard.