Here's a fucking topic to explore. This one is tricky. I say that about all the topics, but for real this time... And this is short, for real this time...

Caring comes from the compassion we give to others, we receive from others, and we give to ourselves. There's twice as much giving here. But it's really an even balance because what is left unsaid is the act of receiving compassion from ourselves.

Receiving compassion is the trickiest part because of that negative voice in our heads (Shut up, Steve. This is genuine compassion).

I'm feeling it today, and not feeling it, all at the same time. Feeling what, you might ask. Feeling like Steve has some valid points. This guy is very persuasive.

That is unimportant. What is important? That which is before me, the world around me, the external, the people, the sights, the sounds, the tactile sensations, the things that are outside me, that's what's important. I might not even make it to the right place today. I might make all the wrong decisions. I might suck at all activities. I could just fuck it all up. I might be a fucking mess. I might be. I could be. I fucking am. And I don't care. Because I care about me, and I show compassion to myself.

I reach out to others and show compassion toward them. I will show compassion to someone who is down on themselves. I show kindness toward them. I have this planned already. I asked one thing of them, I asked them to be kind to themselves. Here's that tricky part we mentioned.

The tricky part is allowing yourself to receive compassion. Receiving compassion is tough with our inner critic telling us all the opposite. For me, this is Steve, and Steve is an asshole. He might mean well, but he doesn't do it right. When someone shows me compassion, I am very good at dismissing it and convincing myself that the someone is just being nice, they don't mean it, it's just meaningless platitude. I might be right, I might be wrong. The danger here is the false negative. Negative meaning that I dismiss the comment. A false positive is not harmful. Turning all the genuine comments into meaningless ones, that's a false negative, that's the danger. If I easily dismiss all comments as bullshit, I can never believe in others, I can never believe in myself.

I am not what I think I am. I am not what others think I am. I am what I think others think I am. If I think they are full of shit and that they don't actually mean what they say, I am stuck in a negative belief of myself. I think that they think I am not what they say because the words are false and their thoughts differ. These past few sentences are confusing. Let's break this down all simple style.

What I think I am doesn't matter. What others think I am doesn't matter. But, if I'm wearing my favorite shirt and some cute girl tells me that the shirt looks good on me, I begin to think that others like my shirt. They think my shirt looks good, so I think my shirt looks good. This is not my thought. This is not their thought. This is what I think because I've been led to believe it is what they think. I don't know what they actually think. Most people don't share actual thoughts, they share a filtered version, perhaps white lies. We only have what we think they are thinking. This is dangerous shit.

Give yourself some compassion. Accept the compassion from yourself. Accept the compassion from others. Give freely of yourself and show compassion to others.

This is another one of those areas where soul-searching efforts will yield results. Sit and think about it for a minute, or ten. The answers will come with time, just don't let that little voice throw you off the scent.

This is Learning Made Hard.