Fix Your Own Shit

At times, it would be cool if I could write articles in the way I say them, rhythmic and with flair. The titles and content can be more fun to say than to read. Too bad this medium doesn't have such flair. Just use your imagination and pretend this is as cool sounding as it is in my head.

Speaking in hypotheticals, we can see how the ability of us to change our settings can prevent someone else from controlling our smart home by connecting to our wifi. There are settings we can change that will block out all devices except those on the accepted list. If we do not make this change, it may be possible for someone else to control our devices. This is not something we want; other people controlling our thermostat is undesirable. If they change my music, they've crossed a line.

We can use this metaphor to extend to much broader and deeper concepts of thinking. If I have taken care of my own settings, no one else can come along and change them. If I leave my settings to the default, others may influence the way my life functions. I have the option to take care of my own settings, but I do not have the right to take charge of your settings to prevent you from doing something. If I have handled my business, you can't affect me.

The mind is a funny thing. It can be changed by consistent thought and action. If someone else slights me or purposely goes out of their way to harm me, jokes on them because their attempts to harm do not have their desired effect. I cannot be affected by these actions because I have taken care of my own shit. I am in charge of me, and I cannot change the actions of others. I may be able to temporarily seek and obtain momentary satisfaction, but I cannot achieve a long-term goal of satisfaction because others catch on. Once these people are found out for their true nature, the populous will turn on them, and their efficacy is diminished. They can't fool everyone all the time.

I have taken the stance that I am the only one worth changing, the only one I can change. I have spent time trying to change others, to no avail. I have used energy in these pursuits, and I found the pursuits to be futile. The world gets a little more dim when I spend my time, spin my wheels, attempting to change others. The dimness shines through because of failed efforts. The light shines from the inside, and it is dimmed by efforts to look to the outside when the answers lie on the inside.

The answers... There's a loaded phrase. I won't presume to tell you the answers, and I can't bring it upon myself to change who you are. I will not take that responsibility. Don't you put that on me, Ricky Bobby! I don't know your answers, and I struggle to know my own. This is a path of self-discovery, of self-taught pursuits. I am all but convinced that you are the one who can change you. The outside world does have its influence, and that can be seen over and over, how the world affects us and changes us. I have been jaded by past lovers, past loves. I loved without the reciprocity I felt should be there, that could be there. This has affected me and changed me. I became guarded and built a wall to protect myself. I have recognized this wall and actively take efforts to dismantle the wall. The wall is of my own doing, but it was built without conscious choice. That's not where I desire to be. I don't want walls to be built without my doing. Build the wall! No, don't. Don't build that wall. It may keep out the harmful, but it also keeps out the joy that is found outside the wall.

I have been tearing down the bricks, and it takes a long time. Fuck time. That shit sucks. And, at the same time, I believe time to be our single greatest asset. As our lives move forward through time, we have less and less of the time. We will, one day, run out. The trouble is that we don't know where the end of the bottle is. Can we live in a mindset of scarcity because of the unknown quantities? Can we live in a mindset of abundance because the well never runs dry? I would venture to say the answer lies somewhere in the middle. We can neither think of it as scarce nor can we think it everlasting. The moments are precious in themselves because each one has its own uniqueness.

The moment we have are to be cherished, and we cannot live in fear of losing. We know we will lose, and we can instead choose to live in a state of appreciation for what we have been given. We borrow this world, and we must give it back when that hourglass runs dry. Mixed metaphors are fun, and they sow confusion and thought. Untangle metaphoric web, use your mind, put that thing to work. You might learn something while untangling.

The themes of choice, fear, and love for the now cannot be extricated from each thread because they are the thread. Without such feelings, without the actions, we will live in a perpetual state of blindness. It may only be on our deathbed where we realize the moments that could have been cherished, the choices that could have been made, the fears that never materialized, and the love that could have been given.

Vulnerability does not show weakness, it shows strength. When I expose my soft underbelly, I allow others to see a beautiful, soft side of me. This soft side is a side of strength and courage. I am that fucking dragon. If someone stabs me, I will not die. I will hurt. I will heal. Will I use that experience as the justification for never showing the soft side again? Maybe. I hope not though. It cuts off an entire side of who I am. I am working to heal from the last time I was hurt, and I can't imagine the recovery process. It comes as it comes. My imagination is grandiose and generally accurate, but often incorrect. The imagination can fool me. The imagination is our friend, and it can become our enemy when the thoughts turn negative.

Fear and negative thoughts are not entirely unwarranted. They are primarily irrational and stem from the what-ifs bouncing through the mind. It is a product of the past. The past that colors our current choice and action is not the kind of past I want to have when the time for positivity draws near. The workings of my mind are illusive and temporary. Thoughts come and thoughts go; this is the nature of things. All things are temporary, if we wait long enough. On a long enough timeline, the life expectancy for us all drops to zero. We previously explored how to keep going while possessing such knowledge. It matters not that we will be gone from this world. We can use this knowledge to our benefit to endure through the difficult roads we travel.

Where does it take us? Where do we want to go? Will auto-pilot get us there? Is auto-pilot any fun? I don't find the fun in letting the machines dictate the path. I can set it and forget it, but isn't that true of all things? I make a choice to put certain things in motion. Then I move about my business handling the next thing. This is the auto-pilot I prefer. This is one of choice. I make the choice to go in a direction, but I do not allow this to be all there is. I take the action necessary to correct course along the way. Nothing is guaranteed. Nothing is permanent. It may outlast us, but it will not outlast the everlasting. When we finally learn the difference, we can move forward with confidence in ourselves. When we change our settings to disallow outside influence, we can move forward with confidence in ourselves. I keep asking myself how to do this. I'm just learning over here.

This is Learning Made Hard.