It took a lot to get to this point, and the journey is worth it.

I spent the last five days trying to get something accomplished. I was directed from one person to the next, and I could have thrown in the towel; I could have been discouraged; I could have been too afraid to ask people that I don't know to help me. I could have done all those things and complained about it. Folks would understand because of the difficulty, they would say, "that's sounds too hard, I would have given up too." Fuck that bullshit. Never give up on something you want. Never let your thoughts and fears get the best of you. Push forward despite the challenges. (I'm talking to myself here).

I can only imagine life as a victim. Wait, I can imagine because I remember this. I used to be one. Victims allow the world to dictate what's possible, and they accept what's handed to them. Somebody did this thing to me; I can't move past this; life is hard; fuck it, I won't fight for what I want.

Give me space on this bench, open the window and let the breeze in because I'm fucking hot, give me what I ask for, world. Those people don't know what I want if I don't speak up if I don't demand results. I won't leave that tiny room complaining about what "they" did to me. I move forward with confidence because I took a stand. It may not actually happen, but damn if I didn't do every fucking thing I could to make it happen. The world will gladly pay any price you ask of it. Ask. Ask again. Keep asking until the "no" turns into "yes".

I can't stress enough how important it is to be persistent in life. I am not always on top of this, but I am aware of it. I work at it, and I don't always succeed. I forgive myself for falling short. I get back on that horse, and I give it another go. This keeps me holding my head high, standing up tall, and living with confidence.

Fuck those who would bring you down. Fuck those who would rather see you fail because you reflect on them. We are the mirrors that others can't bear to gaze upon. Up with which I will not put.

Diligence is the close cousin of persistence, and I won't give it a separate definition. Except to say, diligence is the grit, persistence is the action. Diligence comes from the adjective diligent. Persistence comes from the verb persist. See the difference?

On to death, this fits perfectly in the discussion. You may be asking "how the fuck is that related?" Let me expound on this for a few words.

Death is a natural part of life. Natural meaning that shit happens eventually for all living things. It is natural to come into existence, and it is natural to go out of existence. Existence is where we are now. Things come in, and things go out. Just as with a house, things come in, and things go out. This is only true when we are in the house. We couldn't describe this house with the same phrasing if we are not in the house. If it is somewhere we are not, we would use different words. Things would go in, and they would come out. Prior to being in existence, we cannot say things come in, we cannot say things go out. These are words that describe others in relation to ourselves. Without getting too existential and debating this, we can leave it at that.

When death does touch our lives and people go out, we have the choice to be locked into that. We can choose to remain diligent and persist. We can choose to shy away and retreat. We have choice in the matter, as in all matters, we choose how we respond to the stimulus. We cannot choose the stimuli, but we can control ourselves. We cannot even control the thought and feelings, but we have 100% control over our response in the face of thoughts, feelings, and forces outside ourselves. Feelings are valid, thoughts feed themselves, and the stimuli keep coming. Paradoxically, the only true constant is change, and death of those close to us is certainly a change. This death is inevitable.

I have experienced it. I went into a drunken stupor for a few years after my father died. I did not have the awareness of self to realize I could make a different choice. He would be proud to see me today. He would have been proud of me in my drunken stupor because he loved me, but he would not support my choice to do so. I cannot honor his memory by allowing his death to drag me into that deep, dark place.

Honoring the memory of those who have gone out requires that we continue to move forward and handle business. We are stronger than we could ever imagine. We get through situations that are seemingly impossible to recover from. How could I ever do so when all these things happened to me? Bullshit question that assumes an answer. There is a choice. We keep coming back to that choice thing, might be something there.

Persist in the face of death, be diligent through it all. Diligent with continuing our lives. Get a sticker made and think of them. Think of them in love. Take what they would have said if they were still here and go forth, persist, in your endeavors. They encouraged you to do so during their lives. They encourage you to do so after their lives have ended. This is our choice, but remember, they are still with you. They are still a part of your life that can never be taken away.

Death does not end their influence, and it certainly does not have the power over us that might be perceived. We continue forward with diligence and persistence. We honor their memory by continuing to live our lives with a fervent passion that make them proud to know us. We carry them with us. They are there when they are not there. Death is going off the grid, death is a disappearance from sight, death is only a mindset. They are not dead if we hold their memory with us. You see that Disney movie Coco? Go watch it and remember, so long as they are remembered they are never gone.

This is fucking hard. We may throw the greatest of parties, the all-night rager of pity. When we wake up in the morning, the party is over, and we must continue to live. We must understand that we have the choice, we have the power over ourselves. I encourage you to move on with life, and I encourage you to do so with the diligence and persistence that made them proud in life because it is the same that will make them proud in death. They're gonna brag to all their new ghost friends about how awesome you are. Give them something to brag about.

This is Learning Made Hard.