Allen recently found himself with a lot of free time. He lived in a small town in Southern California. He was a young man with a good business that allowed him freedom of time and location. His hobbies included long walks on the beach, getting caught in the rain, and piña coladas. He considered himself an adventurer and a builder at heart. He enjoyed tinkering and making random things in his garage. He was single and no kids, and that allowed him some flexibility. Allen built a life without constraints, and it started to feel a little like having nowhere to be.
Carrying on by himself for months in a new location in the same routine became a bit mundane, or so Allen began to think. He didn't have any nearby friends that he could call to go have a drink with. He was going to dinners, lunches, and brunches by himself. The town had a lovely old town that Allen liked to frequent. He could park his car at one end and get a kilometer or two in his walk. This regular excursion became a favorite part of his routine.
Old town was set up as a strip of shops and restaurants, mainly along one street that runs north to south. Each block presents a new array of hand-made souvenirs, ice cream shops, locally-sourced restaurants, and more. He had been coming for several weeks just sampling each place. He was looking for a favorite spot to become a regular at. One café had a line out the door almost every day, so he never visited that one. As Allen walked along the sidewalk, he danced to the music playing from the speakers hung on the streetlights. On the weekends, live music would drown out the speakers as Allen passed by the several venues along the main strip.
Allen enjoyed going out to listen to the music, but the dancing is what got his heart pumping. Allen went by himself dancing, because no one else was available to go with. Tinder had been a bust long ago, and he deleted the app for peace of mind. He preferred to dance alone rather than hunt for someone. Allen wants to dance with somebody, but it needs to have meaning and passion. Unlike some other people, hooking up was never his goal. There needs to be conversation leading up to the dancing that excites the mind and the body connection solidifies the tension that started through the conversation. He hadn't encountered such a conversation since that lady he met dancing in a hotel lobby. Although, that was years before, in another life, Allen remembered those times fondly.
Allen eventually found a yoga studio in the old town. A friend of his told him to check out yoga studios to meet people. Especially to meet women, or so the advice went. Allen was more interested in meeting kind people that recognized the importance of taking care of themselves. He was going through a period of what he was calling a midlife crisis. Others would tell him he's too young for a midlife crisis, and Allen would give one of two responses to the too young comments. He would either say, "So, when is midlife?", or "I suppose it's just a regular existential crisis in that case." He started leaning more toward a version of the second when he recognized the underlying defensiveness of questioning the other person.
The yoga studio was called YogaWay. It was located at the beginning of the old town main strip, on the north side. Next door, Allen noticed an Italian restaurant that serves brunch on Sundays. That became his small Sunday tradition. He would arrive a few minutes before the 9:15am class to spend time with the other students before class. The first Sunday was where he learned the basics of the studio. He arrived in flip flops, shorts, and a t-shirt. He brought his mat. He was ready, so he thought. He was told he could fill up his water bottle with the filtered cold water. Allen wasn't sure what to do with that information because he didn't have a water bottle, and when the person telling him noticed, they said he could borrow a cup. Wondering if he was the weird one not drinking water, he considered buying a water bottle for yoga.
The Sunday class was an hour and a half, and Ansley, the bubbly and enthusiastic teacher, doesn't like to turn on the fans or open the windows. She says it gives the students something to look forward to when she offers the cool breeze as a kind of reward around an hour into the class. After his first class with Ansley, Allen wised up and brought an extra shirt so he could change after class. Allen questioned why he sweat so much during this class, but in the end, he decided not to give it too much thought as he enjoyed the challenge.
On Mondays, Allen attends the recovery class. He is delighted that he gets to stretch and recover using several techniques led by Ansley. The feeling was close to a massage, Allen remarked after his first class. The props were used to work different tight muscles and for fascia release. Allen hadn't been to any recovery class before he attended this one for the first time. He considered these types of classes briefly and momentarily thought them not challenging enough. At least, the thought and question went through Allen's mind as he looked at the schedule. Allen reminded himself of the beginner's mind and his willingness to experience new things and meet new people. He found himself trying all sorts of new things.
After class on Tuesdays, the students, and Ansley, all got together for Tuesday Tea. Although, for Allen and most of the other students, it became Tuesday Coffee. Allen liked to grab a pastry and a cappuccino from the bakery. He found a delicious blueberry scone that is just to his liking. He enjoys the fresh warm scone with his coffee. As it goes sometimes with large groups, Allen is usually done eating the scone before everyone has even placed their order, except that one time when he was at the back of the line. He made a mental note to never do that again.
Allen enjoyed Tuesday Tea so much because of the connection he felt with the other people. He listened and got interested in the lives of others. Allen didn't know how other people lived. He wasn't sure what it was like for others in their day-to-day. This got him curious and out of his own head. He found the other students and their stories extremely fascinating. He even got an avocado and a tiger lemon in a gift bag. Allen wasn't sure what to do with the avocado, and he thought it would be nice to give it to someone rather than throw it away. One of the students has a farm, and they brought these items from the farm. Another student had handmade jewelry that could be purchased. There were nice necklaces and earrings, and Allen agreed with one of the others who said these would make great presents.
One day, Allen was parking his car five minutes before class, and he got a phone call from the studio. He saw the studio name on his caller ID, and his first instinct was that something was wrong. He was surprised to learn they were calling to check if he was coming to class. Something shifted in him because they cared enough to call. Allen soon discovered he was attending class primarily for the community. These people had grown to be friends in just a few short weeks. As Allen built these relationships, he wondered why he hadn't ventured out before. He tried hard to identify the things holding him back before, and he was never quite able to reach a sufficient answer to that question. After weeks of thinking on the idea, Allen discovered something profound. It was simply his routine and thoughts keeping him stuck. Moving outside of previous patterns, he could replace old habits with new habits. It was awkward at first, and he was certainly feeling all the anxiety about meeting new people and being a beginner at something.
This yoga studio had a different vibe from some other places he'd visited. This is what Allen imagined community felt like. The crowd was mixed, with about half older and half younger than Allen. This blend of ages and backgrounds gave a rich diversity in conversations and interactions. Allen was sure to listen when some of the moms talked about their babies, Jessica about her five-year old son, and Monika about her fourteen-year old daughter. His reasoning was on him having kids one day, and he figured he could benefit from some mom knowledge.
Jessica told the group about her morning spent cleaning up after her son threw up the breakfast burrito he ate. This was a reminder that kids throw up, and it's something he wants to be especially prepared for. Allen wondered sometimes if he might throw up on his kid when his kid throws up on him. The scene that played out in Allen's head is a little ridiculous, and it made him laugh while remembering to take everything in stride. Whatever happens, happens, and there's no benefit in freaking out or getting upset, be cool, man, be cool, and as he did on that day, Allen often repeats this mantra to himself.
It didn't take long before the myths Allen created in his mind were proven false. He didn't need to be flexible to go to yoga. Men do yoga too. He didn't need to be anything other than himself and show up to class. This lifted a lot of the pressure Allen put on himself. Recognizing the only resistance was in his mind, he allowed the anxiety to exist while he moved forward with the plan to make friends.
The rest of the week was filled with a class every day. Allen set a goal to attend two classes per day for the first two weeks. This, he imagined, would be enough for people to get to know him. It would also be enough for him to connect. His schedule allowed for twice-a-day yoga. So he went for it. The results were astonishing and beyond what he actually thought. He was able to meet some other young folks during those weeks. He had brunch on Sunday, tea on Tuesday, and dinner on Friday. The first week, he was alone for brunch and dinner. But on week two, he had brunch and dinner with another person. After the dinner though, Allen was definitely repeating in his head, be cool, man, be cool.