A small amount of safety was achieved. It was achieved through means that can be classified as me doing me. That's all we have on that.

I want to have my joy again. So, I will start with compliments. I can be like way over the top sometimes (still crazy). If someone takes on a leadership role, there are some people that think they are above the everyday menial tasks, but there are others that stand above the rest. These people will dig in an get their hands dirty because that's the work that needs to be done. They will see a task and get to work. Especially when there are shortages in staff, they will just do what needs to be done. They will help when help is needed. They will see others as people and not as mere workers. This leader will lead by example, and they will lead with their heart. This leader will take the time to be with the people around them. They will also take the time to do. The can do it all and all the while being that good person. The ability to get their hands dirty and be down in the trenches is a sign of a great leader. The ability to connect with people and inspire people is the sign of a good leader. The followers of this leader know they are not alone; they know this leader has their back. They know this leader has all their best intentions in mind, and they know the leader will be there in the tough times. This great leader has all of these abilities and more. They see the day as an opportunity. They smile. They laugh. They are challenged, and they may be tired at the end of the day, but that didn't stop them from putting in the work to help those in need. The selfless leader is a leader by example. I could learn something from a leader like this. I would follow this leader. I would give this leader these compliments, just to let them know they are seen and they are appreciated.

It's about time to go on all the tangents and ramblings about the positives.

I must admit, others got into my head. I was listening and speaking with people who would throw around labels and projections. They are probably just doing their best to care for me. I know this. They don't know my situation or what is really going on. Any story could be spun one way or the other, and my head will spin it up in as many directions as a Wonkavator. I took what other people said and ran with it. I tried to fit their narrative backwards laid over all these incidents. I don't like how I was influenced into thinking certain things. My head was fighting, and I had to discern what I knew to be true and what they were saying to protect me. This person will not hurt me, just as I will not them. This person is none of those labels. This person deserves understanding and care, not labels from the people who want to "help." That's some of why I am not talking about it anymore. I am tired of going crazy with the dichotomy and dissonance caused by their conclusions. Those folks are as jealous as the angels who envy the love we had. Those folks don't know about what is best for me. Their version of reality sucks. I'm gonna stop fighting what I feel, and I'm stopping looking for reasons to not feel what I feel. That feels like a repeat of previous patterns.

This is also not about a promise anymore. That might have been a bit of ego affecting me. This is just a choice to love and be an awesome human being.

This artist named Henrik has a song, You Shoulda Seen Her. And damn!!! You shoulda seen her! It was the first night and every night when heaven cracked open and made time stand still as the room disappeared when she was in it; I got lost in that room, up, down, left, down, I am really not sure which way is up when she smiles. No more confusion. No more crazy (that's not a promise hahaha, no more of that kind of crazy, y'all know what I mean LOL) Even if it's never gonna be, my feelings exist today. No promises, just today.