Yeah, yeah, yeah... Here we go again...

How does it all happen to work out in just the right way? Sometimes it's another way, and may way is typically dancing through those rain drops. This feeling though, that's where we started.

the chest feels heavy, the heart begins to beat harder and faster, a flush feeling rolls out from the chest to the fingers and toes, a slight sweat comes to the palms and armpits, the muscles are on edge and ready, the pupils likely dilate (haven't checked that one), a rush of adrenaline hits through the body; it's that same feeling I got when I stood on the edge of a bridge or a mountain for the first time, trying to control myself and embrace that flood to the system, letting that happen and learning to control the feeling, but man oh man, that's a tough place to be, and I feel like the moment of jumping off something puts me back in control, and maybe it's the same way with the work that scares the shit out of me, the conversations that get me all fucked up, the things I know I should say but am scared to say, and those situations that get my shit going like boom! and from there, perhaps it's best for me to jump in and fly, to embrace that fear and fucking roll out. oh man, again, oh man, this is some tough shit, flying is easy, but maybe it tells me that a thousand hours of deliberate practice build the confidence, and perhaps if I had a thousand hours walking on the edges of cliffs, I would have that confidence; perhaps if I had the practice and knew what the fuck I was doing then I would not get this fear feeling, this frozen analyatical style of pause that has little benefit because it gets me stuck in that thought and in that moment until I find a distraction that pulls me out of the fear feeling, I'm distracted from that fear, and when I sit down again, the fear comes rushing right back, and the distraction was just that fleeting moment of not looking at the problem; now it's time to see what can b accomplished, because the real bullshit part is I know exactly how to do the things I need to do, and it is just a matter of taking the time to do it, but it's a little bigger than that because that involves a prioritization of the tasks that they can be done in a logical order, but even making the list is time away from doing, but the time away from doing to make the list and prioritize the tasks then allows us to say no to new things that come up because we have a goal, the list; and this is the paradox of the sharpening the saw logic and the ways we can spend some time to make the overall process more efficient, and ther is a base level of knowledge that we all share while we are then all experts in our own tasks, and by doing the things that cause that rush of adrenaline and punding heart feeling, then we will continue to have those fear responses, the trick is not in making them go away, the trick is in being able to act while experiencing that feelings, and that fucking feeling will then become something we can work with, and it's a method we can use to navigate those scary fucking moments. the scary moments. that makes me laugh a little bit. they're all fucking scary moments.

but besides that observation about the feeling. I will end us here. Little stream from the thought, then maybe I drop this in ChatGPT to see if it can make sense of it all.

Here's that version:

Dancing Through Fear: Learning to Move Anyway

Yeah, yeah, yeah... here we go again.

How does it always seem to work out just the right way? Sometimes it doesn’t — sometimes it goes another way entirely. My way has always felt like dancing through the raindrops. And this feeling right now, that’s where it all begins.

The chest gets heavy.
The heart beats harder and faster.
A flush rolls out from the center of the chest to the fingers and toes.
A slight sweat builds in the palms and armpits.
The muscles tighten.
The pupils probably dilate (haven't actually checked that one).
A rush of adrenaline surges through the body.

It's the same feeling I got the first time I stood at the edge of a bridge or a mountain, trying to keep myself steady. Learning to let it happen, and trying to control it at the same time. It’s a tough place to be — and somehow, the act of jumping gives me back control.

Maybe it’s the same with work that terrifies me.
The conversations that shake me up.
The words I know I should say but am scared to speak.

When those moments come, it feels like everything inside me screams Boom! — and maybe that's the signal to jump in. To embrace the fear and roll with it.

Oh man. It's tough.

Flying is easy — but that’s only after thousands of hours of deliberate practice. Maybe if I had a thousand hours walking along the edges of cliffs, I'd have that same calm confidence. Maybe if I put in the work, really knew what I was doing, I wouldn't get trapped in that frozen, over-analytical pause that does nothing but leave me stuck.

Distractions help for a moment.
But when they fade, the fear comes rushing back —
because the distraction never solved the real problem.

The truth is, I know exactly what I need to do.
It’s not about knowing. It’s about doing.

But doing requires prioritization.
Even making a list feels like time away from action — but without the list, it's easy to get derailed. The list becomes the compass. It lets us say no to distractions because we have a direction, a goal.

This is the paradox of “sharpening the saw.” We have to step back sometimes — to plan, to prioritize — to move forward more efficiently. We all share a base level of knowledge, but we are each experts in our own work. And the fear, the rush of adrenaline, the pounding heart? That’s not something to eliminate.

The trick isn't making the fear go away.
The trick is acting while feeling it.
To use that energy. To fly with it.

Because, honestly?
They're all scary moments.
That realization even makes me laugh.

Every damn one of them.

And with that little observation, I’ll end here.
A thought-stream captured — maybe ready now to become something more.