An interesting play on words is always fun. Losing my mind due to mania and all the consequences that stem.

And just like that, I have spent a block of time doing other things that come to mind, bouncing from writing, working, music selection, chatting with folks, emailing folks, and all the other half-done activities. It's become a time of intense focus... Ha! If only I could accomplish such intense focus. I'm making an effort, but who knows if it will be successful.

There is work to be done. This is work. Day job is work. Training for competition is work. Relationships are work. Eating is work. Sleeping is work. All activities are work. Do activities (wish we had more room for activities). Do not fall prey to lethargy and sloth, the greatest of all sins.

The loss of the mind has a slightly different meaning than losing one's mind. It's sort of past tense, but it is a noun, and it represents a current, future, or past state of the loss. I'm making this shit up as I go along. I must decide if I will fall or if I will survive.

Some wanted to break me, bring me down, while others have attempted to lift me up. I gravitate toward those who wish the best for me, those who bring me up. I cannot say with complete certainty who is who, but time reveals all. The inner workings of the minds of others are of no concern to me. The actions speak, thoughts do not speak. When I develop my mind reading abilities, this will all change, just not yet.

I have a desire for attention. This is a characteristic that ashames me, but I am not sure why. I haven't been able to figure out why I seek the attention from others. I perhaps could figure it out with enough time and thought. I believe I would not figure out the why in this search, but rather, I would figure out how to live without such desires. The Buddha teaches us to let go of worldly desires. Peace and harmony of self includes peace and harmony of the world.

I find it difficult to let go when I am surrounded by the constant distractions and the cultural ADHD that pervades my every waking moment. Even my sleep is haunted with such things. I killed a ghost in a dream. I also dreamt that people were reading these articles. Fuck, I wasn't happy with that dream. The dreams I have cause sweats that are so profuse I cannot stay in one spot on the bed. I am awoken by sleeping in a fucking puddle. When does that go away? What can I do to ease my mind while I sleep? Drugs and alcohol don't help here because they interfere with the quality of sleep. We'll leave this whole topic for another day. You folks may be surprised at the content of dreams. One man's normal is another man's nightmare. I'm the normal one here...

Let's bounce the brain to science. Science takes hold of our lives and directs in the physics of daily living. My feet press on the ground and the ground presses back. Thank you for the push, ground. Not sure how this is relevant, but I felt like we should discuss the inner-workings of how we get around. Oooh, now we're getting relevant. How do we get around, that's a question that could be applied in all sorts of areas. I press my feet and the ground presses back, and this gives me forward motion. If I press on people and they press back, we can move forward. If I press and noting presses back, I make no progress (try running in the air). We work together with the physics afforded to us to move. If with have no force and counter force, we cannot move. And we wanna move, we gotta do the dance, we get to skip, jump, and hold hands through the movement. I do not fell if nothing is around. I have only myself to make the progress, and that is all but pointless.

What is the point if everything will die in the end? Why do we do the dance when we know the end result? If I had children, perhaps I would see this differently. But the future can be seen as a pointless exercise. This thought does not help. I have it, and somehow, I keep living while understanding the cold indifference of the universe in my plight. I can be aware of this without buying into the idea. I am aware of things, but I do not have to subscribe to such things. these things make me sad, and they make me fail in the motivation category. Where am I going after all this is over? I'm in the grave. So are you. You're gonna die. Live with that knowledge. Make the most of this life. Why, you may ask. Because this is the only way to make life worth living. Shoot yourself in the face today if you can't live with your life. There, solved all your problems. Although, this is merely a transfer of problems to those left living. You won't care, you're not here anymore. Well, you could ignore that advice and decide to live. Live this life. I don't know exactly why. I do know that you don't have a choice. You can either get busy living, or get busy dying. You will live until the moment you don't. That's okay. Don't be mad at it. Accept it and move forward living a life you are happy with, that brings you joy, just be happy. If you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong.

Fuck it all, go out, and have some fun! Just do that. Report back to me how much better you feel when you wake up in the morning. This is fun, and crazy people abound, and rude people suck, and mean people exist, and assholes are to be ignored. It only matters how much joy you put into the world. Strengthen your joy and provide joy to others. That's all it takes. Make the decision to be happy, and live that happy life. This life is easy. Okay, yeah, it's hard, but it's that simple kind of easy. Eat, sleep, clothes are optional, and find someone you love. Move the fuck on, and just go. I can't encourage this enough, and the words would repeat in circles and more circles inside of circles intersected by circles tangentially related to the other circles, all circling back to the same conclusion. Go fucking live, smile, and have fun!

I miss the future. The questions have not been asked, but we can have the answers. We can have templates of answers to fit into future happenings. I guess the future can be missed if this moment is not the one we desire as an end result. Stupid decisions that we regret, fuck 'em. We did that. Not ashamed. Shameless confidence. Do some shit, and don't look back. But do look forward. I'm not advocating for the repeat of so-called "bad" decisions. Did I let you down, did I make you angry, do you agree? Get over it. I forgot about it. So many things I can't remember, but I remember so many other things. It's too much to handle, but it's not. We will get through this. We will live. Well, unless you followed through with shooting yourself in the face, that's a tough one to survive, but you might. Wouldn't that suck? Half-blown-off head, and then you gotta continue forward and follow the rest of the advice in this one. You survived, and now you must move forward. That's life. Do it, or don't. That's on you. As for me, I'm living. I'm flying high. I'm better every day. How do I do this? I don't know. I just do. Gump is our inspiration here. "Because you told me to, Drill Sergeant!" Your life is your own to choose. Fear not, my friends. You have the power to change everything around you.

This is Learning Made Hard.