After Steve came onto the scene, we had to move past that direction of thinking into a more positive mode of thinking. I would rather show compassion for myself than to criticize myself. This might be some kind of magic trick, thinking our way into caring for ourselves. But is it really?

We'll make this short because it need not be any more complicated than the thought process may seem. We show compassion for ourselves because we care for ourselves. The same way we would care for a loved one, we care for ourselves. We would tell them positive things, we may be able to joke, we can laugh, we can encourage, and we can want the best for that person. In this case, that person is me.

What would I want the inner voice to say to me? What if Steve were a positive influence? He's not, and we must find something else to give these positive thoughts. The positive influence is where we turn to after we acknowledge the negative thought and allow it to pass. Allowing it to pass and not engaging in the argument and without lingering on the thought. We can move past the negative and turn to positive. I say, "I've got this", "I do the work", "I am confident and proud for doing all the things that need to be done." We can move into this state by repeating the mantra, the positive thoughts. This is affirmation. Shit works.

I would also say to myself that I am doing my best in this moment. I am working to increase my capacity to raise the best to higher levels. I work on me. I improve my skills. I am better the next day, and I begin the process anew in the morning.

Just like your friend who just had their 500th birthday, you would be there for yourself and give that encouragement to keep going. This is only the beginning. And every moment is a beginning. The crap about, this is the first day of the rest of your life, that only works in the movies and bumper stickers. The first day of day 364 of the year doesn't mean the next day starts at zero. We would always be in this perpetual state of beginning. We must move to a perpetual state of completing. We can't move on without finishing what we have started. We must make it to the end. We take the best of ourselves and put it forth into the world.

We move from one moment to the next, increasing and bettering as we go. There will never be that perfection we constantly think about. We make mistakes, we learn, we grow and become better for the experience, for we cannot fail. We learn, grow, and become better. When similar situations arise in the future, we are better prepared to handle them because of what we did in the past.

I've also read, and experienced, that touch is a powerful tool for fostering this self-compassion we are speaking about. Let's do it now. Place both hands on your chest and feel your heart beat. Seriously, do it now. I took a minute from writing to do it myself, so you can stop reading and give yourself this compassion. Move one hand to your stomach, keeping one hand on your heart. Now breathe slowly and feel your stomach rise and fall, feel your heartbeat as it begins to slow. Move your mind away from the things in from of you and take this moment for yourself.

When I do this, I feel a sense of calm and clear-mindedness. Big words do us no good in this instance. My head is more clear. The negative thoughts go away, subsiding into the void of thoughts that never came to action. The action creates in the real world what was once isolated in our minds. Is this making sense? Not much sense to be made when the vocabulary and phrasing begin to be the focus over the content of the message. To put it simply, the bullshit words make this shit tough to follow.

Go forth and be free. I said that to someone once, and they fucking did it. Perhaps, I didn't mean that in the literal sense, but ya know, it was probably for the best. Reminds me of something I heard once. If you loan someone $20 and then never see them again, it was worth it.

We must love ourselves. This is a difficult task and a tall order. When do we being the process? How does it work? What if Steve is loud enough to drown out the positive with his constant negative chatter? This shit ain't easy to practice, but it's easy to write. If you think I have it all figure out, you haven't met me. I only have thoughts and ideas. I practice those things, and I work to be better.

Someone came to me recently and said he wanted to quit because he wasn't picking up the skill fast enough. He still sucked, and sucking less wasn't happening the way he wanted. I encouraged him to keep going and give it some time. I offered to help him. How do I do the same thing for myself? How do I encourage myself to give the time some time? I use some of the techniques I've outlined above. Does it always work? Fuck no. Am I mad at myself when it doesn't work because I've been trying so hard? Ya damn right. Keep going, my friend. You are exactly where you are supposed to be to get where you are going. In this moment, you are perfect. Don't let yourself tell you any different.

This is Learning Made Hard.