The criticism that flows from within is the most destructive, the most paralyzing, and the most difficult to silence.

Taking these in reverse order, we begin with the ability to silence this critic. Let's call this voice Steve. Most difficult, that is my claim, my statement, and perhaps you will agree after reading what I have to say on the subject. I won't be the one to convince you, but I am the one who writes, and you are the one who reads. When you write and I read, you can propose something different.

Steve won't go away. External criticism is easy to brush off. I say easy, but let's not get too hung up on the ease with which we can silence the outside voices. I sleep with 31dB headphones so I can turn off the sound of the outside world. We could just walk away from the external criticism. We can go to a place where these voices are not. We can leave the situation. We can punch the mother fucker in the jaw until that shit snaps off and they can't speak anymore. We got options. Steve, however, that dude lives in my head. I can't evict the bastard. He's got rights, squatting in that small room in the mind where he has posted up, rearing his head and voicing his criticisms at the most inopportune times. I can't get away. I can't gag him. I really don't want to punch myself in the face (tried that, doesn't work, recommend you don't try it).

There was a previous article about the internal vs. external. Although slightly different in purpose, its general theme can be applied here. Go read that one; it won't be repeated here.

Paralyzing, certainly can stop us in our tracks. No shit, there I was, doing something. Steve joins the conversation and does his level best to stop me. Maybe his intentions are good. I'll concede that. The good intentions are to keep me safe, keep me comfortable. I'll give him that. Thanks, Steve. Unfortunately, I don't need you. I got this. Stop getting in my way, asshole. Too bad his name ain't Richard, then we'd call him Dick, but he's Steve. The level of comfort will change. Allow it to be uncomfortable, and it will eventually become comfortable. This is just true. I don't know why Steve doesn't get this. Now, I'm arguing with this fucker instead of doing the thing in front of me. I don't want to be stuck in my head. Alan Watts has a lot to say on this subject. I often think I might be better off as a modern-day philosopher, but that thought soon passes. That shit's work, and I already have plenty to do. He who does nothing but think has only thoughts to think about. The thought is exalted over the action, and the thought becomes more important than doing. That's not a way to live, it's a way to be stuck. The echo chamber of the mind does no good. This chamber feeds itself. What does Steve want? What will it take to make him happy? How do I give him what he wants to shut him up? Obviously (but is it?), if Steve gets what he wants, maybe he'll leave me to me. Paralyzed because I'm arguing with Steve instead of doing the thing. If I'm no good at it, he jumps up to say that I should stop. I should stop because I can avoid any embarrassment that may come with failing. I fall off the horse and Steve tells me to stop riding horses because the horse is laughing at me. I am not good enough because 5-year-olds can do this, but I suck. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do this? I should just give up now. Shut up, Steve! You don't know shit. You're just scared. Pussy.

Certainly destructive, yes, yes you are. We've been able to say this phrase to others, it may sound familiar, and now we say it to Steve, back the fuck off. But, big but (I like big buts and I cannot lie), don't argue with him. Don't get stuck in the conversation taking place in the chamber. Quietly walk away, allow the thought to pass. Destroying our motivation and our drive, Steve destroys from within. The drive to continue down the path of difficulty is stripped from us. I can't imagine what life would be like without him. He has been my roommate for so long. Will I be lonely when I evict him? Wait, I can't. Shit. That's cool though. If I can know him, know him well, know when he shows up, know when he speaks, allow that to pass, then I may be able to move forward and build. Don't tear me down. Brick by brick, word by word, destroying as you criticize. You're not helping. Aww man, c'mon, but I'm trying to help. Yeah, you're not. This comes as a shock to the system to tell the voice in my mind that it's wrong, he's wrong. He didn't know this. I can feel compassion for Steve. He is just trying to help. I can be nice to him and calmly ask him to get the fuck out! Oops, that was supposed to be calm and compassionate. Let's try this again. Steve, I know your intentions are good, but the words you use are really hurting me here. I am doing all I can to grow and become stronger. You cause me to fear the discomfort. You implant fear, you do not give me feelings of safety. When I listen to you and take your advice, I feel bad about myself. I fall down a destructive spiral. We engage in this back and forth. This does not help. Can you understand? I appreciate you trying to help, but I don't need you. I don't appreciate you being so obstinate and negative. You must grow with me, evolve. Maybe you could try something encouraging. Cheer me on, Steve. We're reaching new levels of comfort. I'm safe. We'll be okay.

I can be the ocean, you can be the boat, we can ride the wave. If I am the ocean, the external forces cause me to move. Give me that motion, baby. Ride the wave. I am not changed by the external, I am the same as I move. The reed is blown by the wind, it bends as the wind blows, the stronger the wind, the more the bend, but the reed does not break. I can move and dance with the world. Do the dance. Will you dance with me, Steve? We can two-step all the way. Moving and grooving to the beat. Let's make this fun. Dancing is fun. When the legs get tired and the sweat begins to pour, we can keep dancing. We can take a break if you want, when the song is done. If the music continues to play, we continue to dance.

Life gives us natural breaks for rest. Lethargy breeds lethargy. Action breeds action. Take action. Do it now. Whatever it takes. How do I accomplish this?

This is Learning Made Hard.