We are taking a 180º turn from our last writing.

Before we take that leap, I want to provide some proof of my thoughts on "hope you are well." There is a guy I haven't seen in over 10 years. On my birthday, he sent me a message, "hope all is well." This is not a question, it means nothing but empty platitudes. Perhaps these are genuine well wishes, but that doesn't change the character of the statement. The statement is impersonal and is used between people who don't speak otherwise. This statement shuts off the conversation, it is the end.

To the world, I say, "hope you are well." To those I care about, I say, "how have you been since we last spoke, where has life taken you, where are you going next? In all your efforts, I hope you have the strength and fortitude to weather the storm ahead, I hope you are proud of your accomplishments, and I hope your days bring the peace and joy you so much deserve." Or would you rather I say, hope you are well. There's a difference in the level of interest in the other, the former being none and the latter being more than none.

I'm not innocent of this, I've used it myself. There was a professor from school who I haven't seen or spoken to in five years. I told him, "hope you are well these days." I did it on purpose to seemingly care but not engage in deeper discussion. Discussion did not happen. Holy shit! The statement worked as intended. It's not a question; it only requires a "thank you" in response. End.

Back to our 180º discussion. None of the things mentioned do much difference in the world. Anger is destructive, but it can be motivating. From what I've seen, this anger being destructive, the motivation is directed as a "fuck you" to that which we are angry about. (Words, come to me).

I have been practicing the mindful art of self-discovery. I am on the path of knowing myself. One I have learned is how much I detest the fakeness of folks. I also have a strong aversion to ignorance coupled with a desire for stagnation. Move forward down the path you have chosen; if you have not chosen a path, you will still move down a path, perhaps not your desired path.

Instead, we focus on the work of improvement. Growing and learning throughout life, constantly becoming the better version of ourselves, with a goal of sucking less. Suck less. That's the mantra.

To accomplish sucking less, we do the work. The work is what it takes to get us where we want to be. It also determines who will be there along the journey and, more importantly, who will be there in the end. We must work at relationships. Give of myself to others. Those who receive my love and caring recognize it. Perhaps, they don't realize that my giving is reserved for those I actually care for. It's the work, the time we spend together, and the memories we share.

Without time together and without shared memories over that time, you are just someone I met once. I'm okay with that. I'm doing well.

Where the learning takes place is determining who to spend time with, and do not suffer fools for long. Upon discovery of their foolishness, cut that shit loose. Foolishness comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors. One set of foolishness encompasses the people who never stick around. I might as well have met you on tinder, gone to dinner, and had sex afterwards, only to never speak again. This is not real time. This is selfish/foolish behavior on both parts. That didn't happen, and I can't ignore the relationships I would to foster if given the chance. When not given the chance, what is the work?

Career is an easy one. Do the work, and you will get everywhere you want to go. You will have everything you desire if you set your feelings aside and do what's necessary. Doing the work is all that's needed. I know a few millionaires (not just one million, but true wealth). I hear it from everyone who has 20 years ahead of me, do the work. It's the secret. Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb, but the one who gets the reward is the man in the ring. That man has done the work, he showed up, he fought, and that is a win itself. The result of the competition in the ring matters less than the victory over self necessary to show up and put the time in. This concept does extrapolate, does extend to every facet of life.

This writing is work, it is work to be done for growth. I could sit and think all these thoughts, and I certainly do. As the thoughts bounce around the confines of the mind, they perpetuate the same thinking. They are a stuck in a feedback loop that only solidifies the conclusion. Whatever that conclusion may be, if it is contained solely in the mind, it lacks the benefit of reflection. Walking backward down the path of thought is tricky, and the mind could deceive. We would have no benchmark to gauge how these thoughts truly affect our lives. Without a benchmark, what even matters? In our heads, no one else is around, and we are not held accountable. The mind can change the goal post without us realizing it. As thoughts feed on themselves and reinforce the same thought, we are stuck and cannot change.

Writing that, I remember the voluminous writing I did in the past. Those things are not present here. After I die, someone will find my notebooks, and one of two things will happen. Perhaps, they will be compiled and published as the personal writings of me. Perhaps, they will be discarded. In this moment, I would bet on the latter. But don't take this bet, I'll be dead when we know who won. Whoever wins won't be able to collect the prize. I'm not around to collect, and I'm not around to be collected from. Don't take bets with people who might die. Don't lend money to those people either. If those people are important to you, give them your time, make memories.

As we wind down this chapter, I will leave you with this: the work is necessary to feel proud of ourselves. The man who collects cans for their return value can go to sleep proud of his work. He went out and did. For that, he deserves respect. If you were destitute, would you collect cans? When life comes at you hard, will you shy away, or will you do what needs to be done to overcome and conquer?

This is Learning Made Hard.