It's so cool that we're both grownups. This is a fact of inescapable truth.

There are several good songs that evoke feelings, leading to emotions. This is not what I feel like talking about today.

So long as I can love you slow and steady, I'll be the tortoise. That's where my mind is this morning, where it is most mornings these days. I think of the people in my life that I'd like to keep around. I did almost kiss a girl yesterday. That was cool and weird feeling. It was almost awkward but felt natural, until we caught ourselves. Hell yeah, I'd kiss that girl lol. But alas, no lips touched.

I still have thoughts in the morning about that girl who stole my heart. Give it back, please. Be gentle, it's fragile. I still wonder how that happened. How long will it take before I don't think about her every day? It'll happen before I know it. I know the answer to this question. It has historically lasted about three months. I am now at about 0.7 months into this. The memories will be just that. They will not be tied to a hope that something will exist in the future. I must convince myself that nothing waits beyond the horizon. It's always a fear or anxiety that drives us to change course. The silence and waiting are scary.

This reminds me of meditation. As the silence sits on the mind, the mind wants to fill that void and find something to hold on to, something that isn't the waiting silence. This occurrence is similar to how we look to the future. We look for something more exciting than the quiet that surrounds us. The sound of silence is deafening. In this context, we are referring to the endless stream of thoughts flooding through when the silence arrives.

I let the thoughts pass. I would prefer to cling tightly to some of these ideas, these dreams, and that's all they are, dreams. Dreams haven't had any luck in coming true lately. We won't explore that topic here. Just understand, dreams are imaginary. We need plans to make them reality. When someone else doesn't want to involve you in their life, what can you do? I figured out the answer: don't fucking bother with those folks. Everyone will wish you well. But not everyone will care for you. Those who don't care enough to listen, let them go.

Ah, fuck it, that's just something that floats around the head, somehow stuck in there. I won't continue this today. When will I learn how to handle the thoughts hijacking my concentration? What is this feeling? When will I learn?

This is Learning Made Hard.