That’s all….

that’s pretty cool that it has a little widget. Practicing my Zen today

Trying to hold the noon in place, permanent output, permanent visibility, permanent summer. The original model says that is not strength. That is fighting the turning. Winter is not a malfunction of summer. Rest is not a failure of work. A quiet season of your like is not a broken version of a loud one. You were never supposed to balance your life. You were supposed to time it, to know which season you are in and stop farming against the weather.

The turning includes you. You are not supposed to stay in the light. You are supposed to turn.

Original Thought:

This almost got published as quoted. The idea behind what he’s saying is that finding balance is the wrong goal because life is not in balance, it is in motion, and it goes through seasons. The day and night, winter and summer. From small cycles to large cycles, at any maximum point the reduction begins, the sun sets, and the days get shorter, until one day when they get longer again, always in motion.

The parts standing out the most are winter not being a malfunction of summer, rest is not failure, quiet is not less than loud. These are seasons, periods that pass into the next. Identifying the season and working with it. There is no bad weather, only bad clothes. That speaks to the same principle that we live in the season and work with the season and stop being mad at slowing down for a season.

The old ways just won’t do. The answer that I was told to do it this way only works so long as I remain ignorant, and I cannot reasonably claim ignorance. The actions moving forward are of my own choosing. Thoughts are mine to accept or reject or ignore. I do not have to give credence to something, and I can pretend like it does not exist, because it does not exist outside of my mind.

The realization comes too late that I am the one who observes the thought. Not a mere observer of thought, but the consciousness that experiences this life through this body and mind. The self is organized around the mind and body and external, but this is only partially true. Those things do exist, and they do affect what is separate from the other separate things.

I won’t venture to make such bold claims here. It’s the moment when life becomes one’s own that I can stop living according to what was handed to me. I do as I see fit, but that is not with egomaniacal zeal. It is with patience and presence that decisions are made and situations responded to.

I am always in charge of my own piece. I make my own moves. I can follow the orders or suggestions of another, but it is me that will ultimately be responsible for the outcome. I cannot claim obedience as a defense. I am an individual with a conscious mind to be used for free and discrened thinking.

If a way does not work, I can change. I do not ask the world to change. I change to meet the world.

Two beds doesn’t change a thing when Olive jumps on top of him and kisses him. Yes, he absolutely wants to kiss her and have sex with her. It should be no surprise that she thinks he doesn’t want to when he rejects her. He definitely got that angry side out, and now she could see both sides of him and reconcile them into one, and she liked that side too. That’s refreshing to hear.

And it was also refreshing to hear that Adam wants to focus on the work and not on the person, the work gets better, the process improves, there is nothing wrong with the person, but there may be something wrong with the work. I can support this type of idea. It’s criticism, but Adam is good not to criticize much with Olive (take notes gentlemen).

She has her aweson thing going, and it really is good. Not just saying that, and it’s not because of a relationship. It’s because it’s genuine and game recognize game, playa. I see you. That’s the feeling the exudes when someone who has been there done that gives a head nod and acknowledgment. Or something like that. For Olive, it was the super-science Dr. Carlson.

Okay, the whole thing feels a bit, umm… sexy. Not sure how to say that, but I’m also a little glad I didn’t get the sex scene in this one, just a kiss, some drama, and a bulge. Then his no did not mean no to her. She came with the questions. Why? Brilliant question actually. Probably need to learn tips from Olive about how to convince people to have sex that are trying not to for some reason not related to wanting to right now. She totally seduced him. He was minding his own business, and she had to go looking all sexy wearing the t-shirt in a sexy way and not wearing pants and being extra cute. He was powerless against her charm. He also really wanted to do this but was scared she was going to hurt him and it would turn into some thing. He had his own fears going on, and she didn’t share those fears.

Interesing….

No movies where horses die is a good rule, but it’s also a very particular request. It appeared that Adam was actually googling for movies to know if that was a plot point. I don’t remember seeing any horses die in recent films. Sure, there are plenty of movies where a horse dies, but not so much lately. There was the movie where the horse was sleeping and they thought he was dead. I don’t think that counts because the horse did not die. Giving away minor plot points, but I’m sure Olive would appreciate the heads up. And Adam would extend a thanks for having done the homework for him on this particular movie.

Looks like the drama found us after quite a few pages of building this relationship. Olive must tell Adam. She must speak up about this abusive behavior.

We will have to find out what she does. I am all out of predictions now. There are several ways this could go, but I am hoping that she tells Adam and that he takes her seriously, believes her.

The emotions run wild to think of helping Olive. I wish there was something I could do for her. I feel like a witness to the abusive behavior she just endured. She stayed strong and held her own. We may be able to say do this or do that, but we must give credit to what she did do because she didn’t give in to this guy.

She didn’t tell him immediately, but the way Adam handled that situation was admirable, and it filled my eyes to see the kindness and compassion he showed. It wasn’t about they they said, it was about what she thought. It was about her feelings and the impact it had on her. It was that their words reinforced the insecurities she already had of herself. She is a brilliant scientist, and she will get even better. Bwaaa!!

It’s so nice to see her taken care of. People might think he wants to spend time with his girlfriend. That’s the sweetest thing I’ve heard.

All that said, I was still wrong. There are two double beds in this room. I have thoughts that are defensive, why I would think such a thing, how his words led me to question him, and how questioning him probably doesn’t speak well of what he knows. The lesson here is to watch my wording so it doesn’t end up being a questioning of the person’s abilities kinda thing.

The words I am understanding don’t necessarily mean the thing, and I need more to agree. But why couldn’t I just believe Adam? He spoke with confidence, and I believed the doubt of Olive instead. I even took her side and explained why her side was the better side based on the words being said.

Oh man, learning more about people and myself through books. Growth is weird….

Also, if I get into this questioning mode, it could be recognized by me or gently pointed out by another person, and I can look at it and decide that’s not how I meant it. I was just on the get answers mode. I don’t need to check the other person or do independent research to prove them wrong. I trust them and what they tell me. How do I get that across while also getting across the thoughts and questions that arise due to the understanding I currently have based on the description given. Complicated stuff right there. Let it go. It doesn’t matter. Smile and be happy for the time together, no matter the number of beds.

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We’ll see where this one goes, but Olive thinking this has to be enough is just wrong. As upset as one can be with Olive, it is also easy to understand where she is coming from. She is just following with the character she has created for herself. We’re not gonna analyze why she is this way, but it is just who she is right now. Adam sees this, and I am certain he feels lucky enough just to be hanging with the girl that he likes. He doesn’t really like people, but he certainly likes Olive. That’s not a far stretch for this imagination.

Olive, it isn’t enough. You will soon come to find that you can’t be all proximity with the person you’re in love with and not have those feelings grow. The nice Adam might not stay. What if he gets mean? He likely has it in him. I also wonder if he was so struck by the comment that he was like his mentor because he didn’t see himself that way, and he does care just a little. Maybe it was a moment of empathy and realization that he was doing to his grads the same that he didn’t like happened to him. It could also be like one realizing they turned out like their parents unintentionally. Happened to the Jumanji guy too.

These are just predictions. Written down so they can be checked later.

This version of the book is the movie companion version with new chapters from Adam’s perspective. That must be later because we haven’t seen any of that yet. My predictions are still pretty good, let’s see how it plays out. Oh, and having booked a hotel or two, a double room usually means a double bed not two beds. That may be Adam’s mistake, and Olive predicted correctly. That’s my guess anyways.

Adam, being an awesome dude, goes along with it. He believes her because he trusts her. They share this special bond created through their joint lie. He doesn’t factor that she might be lying about this because of embarrassment. It’s being caught in that embarrassing moment and trying to get out. of it while sacrificing the future for the relief in the moment.

Lies don’t create the best of things for anyone involved. I’m still on about my hypothesis that Adam really likes this girl. She saw it in his face when she said someone else. The inner dialogue of Adam is probably similar to that of Olive. We’ve discussed this before. But Olive is too wrapped up in her own head to actually see that what she told Adam did real harm.

She even sees the reaction on his face and in his body. He was defeated by this. He is probably thinking that he is really starting to like this girl and it may become something, until she comes along and says the opposite. Why doesn’t she just tell him that she is falling for him and wants to go deeper in the dating, upping it from the fake status. She is scared that he won’t reciprocate and she will be left alone with her feelings. That is not the worst outcome though. Although it seems like the worst in her mind. She is vulnerable in that moment. She becomes known and could potentially be judged or disliked.

She’ll for sure come around to realize how she fucked up. The truth would have set her free. She also worries about all these things. From the reader persepctive, I’m yelling at the book, “Nooo! Just tell him! He like likes you too!”

She continues with why he couldn’t possibly like her, why it couldn’t possibly work, and all the reasons that support he thought of herself. She places him on the pedestal, and she is not good enough for him. She seems to think that he tolerates her, but that, given the choice, he would get his grant funds and not have anything to do with her. What if it was his plan the whole time to get her to fall for him? Olive wants to keep Adam from believing that she was setting this up from the beginning. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a wild thought to me. How does one connect all these dots and then judge another person for a convoluted scheme? I don’t think I said that right, but maybe it works.

It’s simpler than that. A person starts to develop feelings over time, and the rest just kinda happens. Nobody planned this. It wasn’t an elaborate trap to get the other person to feel or think any kind of way. The feelings just happen. Everything that happens along the way was coincidence and not part of some grand scheme. Adam would understand this. She doesn’t give him enough credit. But that’s probably because she doesn’t give herself enough credit.

She is smart, funny, cute, hard working, driven, and a smart-ass. All of the qualities Adam genuinely appreciates about her. She still asks herself, and convinces herself that he wouldn’t be interested. How does she reach that conclusion?! She’s awesome! Adam knows it. He even got the flu shot with her. If that ain’t love, then I’m at a loss for what is. Personally, I don’t like needles either, and I get you, Adam. That is something we do to make another person happy and have something between us that grows connection.

Book club is alive an well! I’ll be back with analysis on the next chapters. Oh, Adam’s gay best friend, we didn’t even mention that. That’s gonna have to wait. Tune in for our analysis of what they do next. I’m leaning more and more toward Adam is falling hard for this girl. It’s in his facial expressions. Pay attention Olive!!!