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There is another shirt laying on the floor a couple feet from the laundry basket. He smelled it once and put it on. Nick felt like he would be about one minute late to his video appointment with the therapist. It’ll be okay, one minute is nothing, and she understands. But I should definitely apologize for being late, Nick raced through this series of thoughts and more in the time it took to unlock his computer. He had a lot to tell his therapist today, and his mind was racing over every little detail. His frantic fingers typed the wrong password twice before he slowed down to get it correct. He chalked the mistakes up to simple oversight, and his eventual success erased the mistakes altogether.

At one minute past the hour, Nick logged into the video chat.

I must apologize for being one minute late, were his first words.

Oh, Nick, it’s only one minute. Not a problem, Sherri responded.

Thank you for that grace and kindness. My head is racing so much that I was rushing to get everything done to be prepared to focus with you today, It’s been hectic up here doc. Nick rattled off his sentences with barely a breath.

Just take a deep breath. We’re here now. Sherri said in her unusually calming voice. She had a way of speaking that eased Nick’s racing mind. The melody of her voice was pleasant, and the cadence of her speech was an agreeable tune. The demeanor of this therapist was of supporting best friend rather than a stereotypical role. The professionalism existed in a high degree, but there was a difference Nick noticed with Sherri that he hadn’t found with others.

The session was mostly a blur of what Nick felt was repeated lessons without much progress. One exchange stands out above the rest.

I am not sure why the thoughts keep coming back, Nick shared.

This part of the process and normal, Sherri assured him.

I have a good guess why the thoughts come back. It’s all the reminders what I could have done and the realization of missed opportunities, Nick continued without any regard for her reassurance.

Nick, remember that it wasn’t all you. It takes two…, Sherri said before she was cut off.

I’m gonna stop you right there, Nick asserted, I keep hearing this thing about “it takes two”, and I believe it misses the point.

These things are never one-sided, and both people play a role, you have said yoursel…

I’m jumping in again because I’m tired of hearing this nonsense, Nick was speaking more firmly. He took a deep breath before continuing, and another. He slowed his breathing and calmly said, I understand that it does take two people to engage in a relationship. It takes two people to fuck it up. It only takes one person to stop the cycle. It takes one person to be present and give the other space. It doesn’t matter what the other person does. If I can maintain my presence, then the escalation doesn’t happen. It doesn’t take two, and we can’t sit here and analyze someone else’s conduct. We can only look at my behavior and how I can create lasting change. I am tired of hearing people trying to take blame off me and place it on them. They didn’t make me do the things I did. It takes one. Me.

Thank you, Nick, Sherri said with a pause, thank you for saying something. So, you can stop your part of the cycle, not theirs. Have you considered that you’re taking on all of the responsibility?

Nick thought for a second about how best to say these next words, yes, I’m taking on my responsibility, but I really mean something bigger.

What do you mean, bigger? Sherri asked with a slight intrigue in her voice.

The bigger portion is that their part matters very little when I am taking care of myself and practicing to manage and regulate my behavior, Nick had this response prepared from journaling and trying to explain the unfinished idea before. He wanted to discuss this topic with Sherri today because it came up in his journaling a few days prior.

With a smile spreading across her face, I am happy to hear that you are not looking at anyone but yourself. That is a healthy approach to healing. I’m really proud of the growth I’m seeing in you, Sherri replied. Your walls have really been coming down.

Thank you, Nick paused and gathered his words again. I have to disagree with you though, and I feel bad for correcting your analogy. I don’t want this to be heard as criticism. I prefer to think that I am expanding on your work so I can apply it to myself. I am moving away from the walls analogy because the image is of something passive that is blocking the way. In my head, it feels closer to an active participant pushing me back and holding me down. The fight inside is not against a wall. It’s against the inner critic that tells me how much I’m failing, it’s against the insecurities that tell me I’m not good enough, it’s against the voice that says I can’t do it. I realize I’m rambling on about this, and I appreciate you for listening.

I didn’t think you were rambling, no worries, Sherri offered. I appreciate you clarifying what this means for you. That’s what we’re here for.

Nick had a feeling of ease wash over him as she stayed present with him in that moment. He said a silent prayer for an old friend. There was something more Nick remembered from that session with his therapist. Sherri began asking questions about his plans for the future, and Nick found himself sharing his plans with someone for the first time.

So, you called him out on the discrepancy in his argument? Jim asked.

Yeah, I did. It’s when people say one thing and live a different way. I question them about what I see, Mike responded.

What’s the point of asking that speaker to explain the discrepancy in his argument with an example like earrings? Jim questioned further to understand.

It showed that he wasn’t living in accordance with what he was saying, Mike answered.

But he did explain, Jim said. His wife chose to pierce her ears and you equate a small hole in the ear with abortion. That feels like a bit of a stretch to me. There are those who don’t consider earrings as harm to the body.

Then he should have explained the exception, Mike demanded, instead of hiding behind “because she wants to.”

Yeah, I get that. My bigger question is why you asked it. Were you trying to understand where his principle ended, or were you just trying to catch him being inconsistent? How did your comments move the conversation forward? Jim asked with confusion bordering frustration with Mike’s response.

People need to know they are being contradictory. It’s my job to tell them about it, Mike asserted with palpable frustration.

You say you need to point out the contradictions, and I ask why, Jim replied. Do you intend that the other person change their behavior? I doubt the other person left the interaction thinking that Mike guy had some real insight about earrings. The comments put him on guard, defensive or embarrassed perhaps, and forced him to reconcile an absurd position: how is abortion bad but earrings okay? Jim’s frustration showed as the pace and tone of his voice grew in intensity.

The point was to show him he’s not being consistent, and so I told him. I didn’t embarrass him, and it would be a test of his ego if I did. That would show me he has a weak ego because he can’t handle being questioned, Mike stated as fact. If someone is standing in front of a room telling people how to live, he should be able to explain where his principle begins and ends. I wanted to know whether he had actually thought it through.

Jim took a breath and asked, How is that kind?

It shows me if they have a weak ego. Someone with a weak ego won’t be able to handle the question. They shouldn’t be saying one thing and not following through. People with weak egos don’t like to be called out, Mike said.

That’s the third time you’ve mentioned weak egos, Jim pointed out.

Because you keep missing my point.

I understand your point, Mike. You may be right about people with fragile egos not being able to handle criticism. I don’t agree that embarrassment alone proves a weak ego. Even if earrings shouldn’t be allowed because doing harm isn’t allowed, I still don’t understand what you intended to accomplish. My question gets back to why the criticism. What purpose was served? Did you only want to point out the hypocrisy? Did you earnestly want to understand the nuanced differences of how earrings don’t count as harm? It feels like the purpose was just to make sure that guy knows his theory has holes, Jim said, while thinking he should be breathing instead of engaging in this almost pointless argument.

I wanted to know what his answer would be. Mike remained defensive. I had to say something.

I don’t want to continue this conversation. It doesn’t feel like we’re getting anywhere, Jim continued with a more serious but controlled tone. The only thing I will say is that I disagree with your approach to call someone out without the ability or desire to help them. I don’t find that to be kind, and I feel like it embarrasses people for no reason.

It only embarrasses them if they have a weak ego.

I understand your explanation. I’m not asking for another one. I just disagree with the approach. I wouldn’t do that, and I gave you my reasons. We don’t have to agree, and we don’t have to convince each other. Can we please move on from this, Mike? Jim asked.

It is my job to point out what they don’t see. If they get offended or embarrassed or can’t handle the questions, that’s on them, they have a weak ego, Mike pressed the point further.

Mike, I’m done with this conversation. I’m getting out of here, Jim stated.

I’m just trying to explain how people say one thing and do another, and I wanna know how they make sense of that, Mike continued.

I’m done here. Goodbye, Jim said before hanging up.

Carrying on by himself for months in a new location in the same routine became a bit mundane, or so Allen began to think. He didn’t have any nearby friends that he could call to go have a drink with. He was going to dinners, lunches, and brunches by himself. The town had a lovely old town that Allen liked to frequent. He could park his car at one end and get a kilometer or two in his walk. This regular excursion became a favorite part of his routine.

Old town was set up as a strip of shops and restaurants, mainly along one street that runs north to south. Each block presents a new array of hand-made souvenirs, ice cream shops, locally-sourced restaurants, and more. He had been coming for several weeks just sampling each place. He was looking for a favorite spot to become a regular at. One café had a line out the door almost every day, so he never visited that one. As Allen walked along the sidewalk, he danced to the music playing from the speakers hung on the streetlights. On the weekends, live music would drown out the speakers as Allen passed by the several venues along the main strip.

Allen enjoyed going out to listen to the music, but the dancing is what got his heart pumping. Allen went by himself dancing, because no one else was available to go with. Tinder had been a bust long ago, and he deleted the app for peace of mind. He preferred to dance alone rather than hunt for someone. Allen wants to dance with somebody, but it needs to have meaning and passion. Unlike some other people, hooking up was never his goal. There needs to be conversation leading up to the dancing that excites the mind and the body connection solidifies the tension that started through the conversation. He hadn’t encountered such a conversation since that lady he met dancing in a hotel lobby. Although, that was years before, in another life, Allen remembered those times fondly.

Allen eventually found a yoga studio in the old town. A friend of his told him to check out yoga studios to meet people. Especially to meet women, or so the advice went. Allen was more interested in meeting kind people that recognized the importance of taking care of themselves. He was going through a period of what he was calling a midlife crisis. Others would tell him he’s too young for a midlife crisis, and Allen would give one of two responses to the too young comments. He would either say, “So, when is midlife?”, or “I suppose it’s just a regular existential crisis in that case.” He started leaning more toward a version of the second when he recognized the underlying defensiveness of questioning the other person.

The yoga studio was called YogaWay. It was located at the beginning of the old town main strip, on the north side. Next door, Allen noticed an Italian restaurant that serves brunch on Sundays. That became his small Sunday tradition. He would arrive a few minutes before the 9:15am class to spend time with the other students before class. The first Sunday was where he learned the basics of the studio. He arrived in flip flops, shorts, and a t-shirt. He brought his mat. He was ready, so he thought. He was told he could fill up his water bottle with the filtered cold water. Allen wasn’t sure what to do with that information because he didn’t have a water bottle, and when the person telling him noticed, they said he could borrow a cup. Wondering if he was the weird one not drinking water, he considered buying a water bottle for yoga.

The Sunday class was an hour and a half, and Ansley, the bubbly and enthusiastic teacher, doesn’t like to turn on the fans or open the windows. She says it gives the students something to look forward to when she offers the cool breeze as a kind of reward around an hour into the class. After his first class with Ansley, Allen wised up and brought an extra shirt so he could change after class. Allen questioned why he sweat so much during this class, but in the end, he decided not to give it too much thought as he enjoyed the challenge.

On Mondays, Allen attends the recovery class. He is delighted that he gets to stretch and recover using several techniques led by Ansley. The feeling was close to a massage, Allen remarked after his first class. The props were used to work different tight muscles and for fascia release. Allen hadn’t been to any recovery class before he attended this one for the first time. He considered these types of classes briefly and momentarily thought them not challenging enough. At least, the thought and question went through Allen’s mind as he looked at the schedule. Allen reminded himself of the beginner’s mind and his willingness to experience new things and meet new people. He found himself trying all sorts of new things.

After class on Tuesdays, the students, and Ansley, all got together for Tuesday Tea. Although, for Allen and most of the other students, it became Tuesday Coffee. Allen liked to grab a pastry and a cappuccino from the bakery. He found a delicious blueberry scone that is just to his liking. He enjoys the fresh warm scone with his coffee. As it goes sometimes with large groups, Allen is usually done eating the scone before everyone has even placed their order, except that one time when he was at the back of the line. He made a mental note to never do that again.

Allen enjoyed Tuesday Tea so much because of the connection he felt with the other people. He listened and got interested in the lives of others. Allen didn’t know how other people lived. He wasn’t sure what it was like for others in their day-to-day. This got him curious and out of his own head. He found the other students and their stories extremely fascinating. He even got an avocado and a tiger lemon in a gift bag. Allen wasn’t sure what to do with the avocado, and he thought it would be nice to give it to someone rather than throw it away. One of the students has a farm, and they brought these items from the farm. Another student had handmade jewelry that could be purchased. There were nice necklaces and earrings, and Allen agreed with one of the others who said these would make great presents.

One day, Allen was parking his car five minutes before class, and he got a phone call from the studio. He saw the studio name on his caller ID, and his first instinct was that something was wrong. He was surprised to learn they were calling to check if he was coming to class. Something shifted in him because they cared enough to call. Allen soon discovered he was attending class primarily for the community. These people had grown to be friends in just a few short weeks. As Allen built these relationships, he wondered why he hadn’t ventured out before. He tried hard to identify the things holding him back before, and he was never quite able to reach a sufficient answer to that question. After weeks of thinking on the idea, Allen discovered something profound. It was simply his routine and thoughts keeping him stuck. Moving outside of previous patterns, he could replace old habits with new habits. It was awkward at first, and he was certainly feeling all the anxiety about meeting new people and being a beginner at something.

This yoga studio had a different vibe from some other places he’d visited. This is what Allen imagined community felt like. The crowd was mixed, with about half older and half younger than Allen. This blend of ages and backgrounds gave a rich diversity in conversations and interactions. Allen was sure to listen when some of the moms talked about their babies, Jessica about her five-year old son, and Monika about her fourteen-year old daughter. His reasoning was on him having kids one day, and he figured he could benefit from some mom knowledge.

Jessica told the group about her morning spent cleaning up after her son threw up the breakfast burrito he ate. This was a reminder that kids throw up, and it’s something he wants to be especially prepared for. Allen wondered sometimes if he might throw up on his kid when his kid throws up on him. The scene that played out in Allen’s head is a little ridiculous, and it made him laugh while remembering to take everything in stride. Whatever happens, happens, and there’s no benefit in freaking out or getting upset, be cool, man, be cool, and as he did on that day, Allen often repeats this mantra to himself.

It didn’t take long before the myths Allen created in his mind were proven false. He didn’t need to be flexible to go to yoga. Men do yoga too. He didn’t need to be anything other than himself and show up to class. This lifted a lot of the pressure Allen put on himself. Recognizing the only resistance was in his mind, he allowed the anxiety to exist while he moved forward with the plan to make friends.

The rest of the week was filled with a class every day. Allen set a goal to attend two classes per day for the first two weeks. This, he imagined, would be enough for people to get to know him. It would also be enough for him to connect. His schedule allowed for twice-a-day yoga. So he went for it. The results were astonishing and beyond what he actually thought. He was able to meet some other young folks during those weeks. He had brunch on Sunday, tea on Tuesday, and dinner on Friday. The first week, he was alone for brunch and dinner. But on week two, he had brunch and dinner with another person. After the dinner though, Allen was definitely repeating in his head, be cool, man, be cool.

The quick plan allowed just a few minutes for her to get a coffee on the way to the studio. She had a thought of Nathan’s cafe idea because it would be nice if her yoga studio had a cafe connected. Then, she wouldn’t have to plan this additional five-minute trip for iced coffee. This thought couldn’t have lasted more than two seconds in her mind before she was once again focused on her plan.

Hana gathered her things and placed what she needed in her bag before walking out the door. She threw the bag over one shoulder and felt a small hint of pride because she crocheted this bag herself. Each time she used it, however, she thought about the bag she made before this one. That bag was with her through a couple chapters of life before it finally broke. Every day, she would carry that same bag, and it lasted for several years. It even outlasted her previous relationship, but she knew it couldn’t stay forever.

As she left the house, she checked to make sure the windows were latched and the door was locked. This was a regular check, but it wasn’t with criminal activity in mind. Monkeys were the concern. She moved to this island knowing monkeys would be a part of life. Their presence made each day feel a little more exotic and regularly brought a smile to her face. It wasn’t long before Hana learned the monkeys had a dark secret. The time she forgot to secure the house, she returned to find fruit peels on the floor, her cushions overturned, and one earring missing. Somewhere on the island, she imagined, the monkeys were running a black-market shop to fund their banana consumption.

As Hana walked into the coffee shop, she spotted Joelle behind the counter. Joelle had been serving the same iced coffee to Hana every day since Hana moved to this area of the island. It had been almost a year already, and Joelle knew the order without Hana having to say a word. Joelle also knew Hana was usually rushing to teach her yoga class when she stopped by in the afternoon. With a wink and a smile, Joelle made Hana’s order exactly the way she liked it. Before anyone even noticed, Joelle handed her the finished drink. Hana took the coffee from Joelle’s hand and left enough cash on the counter for the coffee and a little extra for Joelle.

Hana sipped the coffee as she left the store, stopping in the middle of the busy sidewalk to savor that first sip and take a second. She absolutely loved the way they made the iced caramel macchiato. She had special instructions about the amount of ice, the number of shots, and the type of milk. Joelle got it right every time. Her favorite coffee shop used to be in California, until she found this one. If Joelle hadn’t been working that afternoon, this would have been a longer stop. Her small act of kindness saved Hana a couple minutes that afternoon.

With an extra three minutes, Hana arrived at the studio with her favorite coffee. She used those three minutes for herself, sitting in quiet contemplation and enjoying each sip. Her students would start to arrive in just a few minutes. This class’s regular students liked to arrive early and enthusiastic. There were usually a couple drop-ins each class too. The studio was located in a busy section of town, and sometimes, classes could fill up from foot traffic alone. Hana’s 15:00 class stayed full, and the drop-ins didn’t know how lucky they were to get a spot that day.

Her other classes were popular also. But this 15:00 class was the one that really took off. When she started teaching this class, it was weekly. She called the class, “Intentional Yoga.” After just two months, the students nearly demanded she offer the class every day. Hana, flattered by their persistence, came to a compromise with the students on teaching Intentional Yoga. She would hold the class three times per week, but not daily and not on Saturdays. Hana didn’t know it at the time, but the scarcity of the class added to its appeal with her students.

After almost four years of yoga teaching, Hana began formulating her theory of yoga. She found the practice enlightening spiritually, mentally, and physically. These were the core aspects of her yoga practice and the foundation of her intention. That’s when the name struck her, Intentional Yoga. Hana thought she invented the phrase. At least, she’d never heard “Intentional Yoga” before she started using it.

She would be the first to admit that creativity is not the word that comes to mind when thinking of the name. Her goal was not creativity, but rather simplicity. She wanted the name to convey a simple message while still being widely applicable. Intentional Yoga focuses on setting an intention and using the practice to bring the mind, body, and spirit into connection with it. Hana sometimes caught herself over-explaining the meaning behind Intentional Yoga to first-time students. Over time, though, she simply invited people to attend the class instead of trying to explain each detail.

Hana closed her eyes and savored the last sip of her coffee, offering a silent gratitude for Joelle, who made the perfect coffee just in time. With a few minutes before class, Hana laid out both of her mats. One was green and the other pink, both the same brand and style, differing only in color. A friend who believed in her gave her the green mat for Christmas when she started teaching. It still held special significance for her, although Hana hadn’t thought about its origin in some time. She wondered briefly why those memories came to her now, then allowed those thoughts to pass as she turned to greet the students setting up for class.

That’s when she noticed Nathan. He was already set up with his mat in the front row. He must have been one of the first to arrive, Hana thought. A smile came naturally when she saw him. Their eyes met, and his gentle demeanor caused something inside her to soften and relax. Hana felt unexpectedly comfortable in his presence, as though she could lower her guard just a little bit. She gave a wave and a smile as she said good afternoon to Nathan.

A different thought flashed through Hana’s mind as she smiled at Nathan. I should probably greet everyone else and not spend the whole time smiling at him. Her smile grew even bigger. She kindly agreed with herself that she should greet the others. She remained grateful and glad for spending those few extra moments smiling at Nathan.

Hana gave a final welcome to all the students present. She walked over and closed the door to the classroom. As she turned around, something in the room felt different. The feeling was difficult for Hana to describe. When she looked over the students, she no longer saw the individual faces she had greeted. For just a moment, the room felt like a single living thing, greater than any one person, connected and somehow more intimate.

She had seen the trees, but now she felt the forest. Hana made a mental note of this feeling to explore later in her own practice. She walked intentionally to the front of the classroom. The class was full, with a couple new faces, just as usual. Hana stepped to her mat, smiled at the students, and began.

As Nathan walked down the street, motorcycles and scooters zoomed past him. He thought to himself about that motorcycle he was going to buy. He couldn’t quite remember what it was called, only the way he felt while riding it. The brand was unfamiliar to Nathan and probably to most Westerners. The motorcycle, however, was 200cc and looked pretty cool. They had it in three colors when he was looking: blue, green, and red. Nathan thoroughly enjoyed how the bike handled the several types of roads he experienced on the fifteen-minute test ride.

The roads of the island varied drastically from one to the next. A smooth paved road could turn into a bumpy dirt road without warning, and another might wind uphill or downhill, with paved roads becoming less common as he got away from the city. On a motorcycle, he believed, those sounded like fun daily challenges. Nathan decided to remind himself to buy a good helmet. He stopped walking long enough to take his phone from his pocket and make a note about the helmet he wanted. Buy full face helmet with impact rating, may have to shop online, the note read.

Nathan put his phone away and continued walking. He walked by the restaurant where he had dinner the week before. Nathan felt like a classic American meal the day he ate there. So he stopped at this little spot and had a rather delicious cheeseburger. As he walked, he scanned the street and watched people walking in his direction, the opposite direction, or no direction at all. One young woman walked with her child strapped to her chest, right next to another woman walking with three young children by her side. There was the man wearing monk-like robes passing by that random guy in board shorts with no shirt. There were many people moving in between these folks. Each on their own path. This time of day always felt like people had a mission they were in the middle of carrying out. Nathan noticed that the feeling he got from watching these people carry out their missions was quite different from the hustle-and-grind mentality he had once grown accustomed to.

This version of purpose included a sense of connection that had seemed lacking in Nathan’s old hustle-and-grind mentality. The missions he observed on the street appeared to be driven by that connection. Rather than distracting from purpose, lasting relationships seemed to form part of the purpose itself. His imagination toyed with the idea of building a life around a mission that included other people and their wants and needs. It is not a solo mission, he said aloud softly. He wondered briefly and concluded that he didn’t think anyone else heard him talking to himself. Maybe it would start a conversation if they did, he thought to himself with a grin.

Nathan walked on this busy street for a couple minutes more, and then he found that right turn that doesn’t really lead anywhere. At least no one else was walking down here to get anywhere. The road was unimproved. On this road, there were only four rundown buildings to his left and right. Two on each side. From the laundry hanging outside and the belongings visible inside, Nathan could safely assume people lived in these buildings. Although, he hadn’t seen anyone when he passed by. Perhaps he would meet them one day, he thought. He imagined walking by one day and meeting them as they are outside hanging laundry. He considered this way of living and wondered how he could be at peace living so simply. He briefly thought about some of the places he had slept and chuckled while walking by the broken walls of the second building.

Nathan passed the last building on his right side and veered slightly left as the forest began. An observer might think Nathan knew exactly where he was going. This little route was something he found after a few days of exploring. He was able to make his own path through the trees and into the forest. After a minute or so of moving through trees and brush, Nathan found himself popping out into a small oasis. Oasis is the word that came to Nathan’s mind when he arrived there the first time. The oasis was a cleared area about two meters in diameter with branches and bushes scattered about. Plenty of space for one or two people. The ground had been cleared by a fallen tree that offered a surprisingly comfortable place for Nathan to sit. The tree must have been a recent fall because the forest hadn’t really grown back around it yet. For Nathan, this felt like the right place to spend time with himself. He could sit comfortably, with very few bugs (surprising actually), and the only sounds were those of the forest. There were no voices, no vehicles, and no other sounds that might take Nathan’s mind away from his oasis. He could hear the wind rustle through the leaves while birds sang from the nearby trees.

Seated on the fallen tree, surrounded by the lush forest of thick leaves, Nathan pulled his leather bag onto his lap. He considered for a moment how he would spend his oasis hour. From the bag, he pulled out his current book. The plan was as follows. This was Nathan’s developing habit: twenty minutes reading something positive, twenty minutes of guided meditation, twenty minutes of Heart of the Rose.

Nathan wasn’t in as much of a hurry as he used to be. The planned hour wasn’t something he stressed over, and it wasn’t actually so rigid. He was at the oasis for nearly two hours just a few days prior. His leather bag made for a perfect backrest/pillow, and he placed the bag behind him for a little added comfort. He opened the book to where he left off, setting his bookmark on the tree beside him. Nathan read each page with intention and thought. His mind didn’t wander from the page so often that day. The words captured his mind in a peculiar way, and his focus was purely on the message being received. After a few pages, Nathan looked up from the book to let his mind rest and digest these new ideas. These ideas didn’t feel so new to Nathan, not in the sense that they were previously unheard of or unimaginable. They did, however, feel newly connected, relevant, and significant. Nathan was seeing timeless ideas with fresh eyes and renewed vigor. He felt as though he was remembering and drawing forth these ideas already contained deep within him.

As Nathan spent a few minutes thinking through the concepts, a thought flashed in his mind. He caught the thought almost instantly, labeled it as negative, and had an internal debate about how to handle it. It’s not twenty minutes reading if you spend ten minutes daydreaming, was the thought he identified. This thought lacked compassion and didn’t give any credit to the thinking time. Nathan wondered silently, do I just read for ten more minutes, or does this twenty count? That’s when the observer of thoughts truly came to life for Nathan that day. He saw this thought and reminded himself that not every thought requires attachment. He recognized the micro-shaming his thoughts attempted, and he recognized that his attempt to negotiate and meet some standard was keeping the micro-shame alive. Nathan began to wonder if he should even engage with the thought and try to meet some standard that he himself was creating. Thoughts!, Nathan said aloud, in a slightly silly tone. He took a slow, deep breath. It’s not so serious, he reminded himself with a gentle whisper. When Nathan realized he just spent ten minutes thinking about the ten minutes he had spent thinking, laughter overtook any remaining seriousness. With a smile and a laugh, Nathan read a few more pages of the book over the next ten minutes.

What is this life that I want to live? What can this day bring that is more in line with the desired life? Am I already living the dream life where I can wake up and go get coffee, sit for a bit while reading or writing? Then off to have a phone call with a friend. Then to see the person at the local store that has milk. I won’t have to work as much, so I can focus on a project I’m working on. I would slowly build relationships with people through my daily hobbies and activities.

To Nathan, this description feels like a dream. He realized something he found almost troubling, but definitely telling. He wondered, where are the relationships? He thought that might be an issue. This life doesn’t build deep relationships, or it doesn’t appear to. But, the question still escapes him of what that relationship might look like and where it would fit into this life he’s building.

The way thoughts wind around before they enter Nathan’s mind is something he thinks about. He considered if the connection between ideas and the strong correlations seem illogical. Oh man, he says to himself, there I go thinking again. He didn’t have anywhere to be for the rest of the day. He ordered another coffee and was excited to see where these thoughts might take him.

How about this… Shut down the business, move somewhere, start over. Nathan wondered why that would be the first thought to go through his mind. His yoga practice was particularly difficult today, and his thoughts jumped to that topic next.

Oh man this is really hard today! What’s going on? My body takes months or more of practice to get there. It is not a skill but more ability. I can teach you the pose, which is the skill. But to do the pose, it takes time for the body to adjust to the pose and get new muscles, balance, flexibility. It’s the getting there, the journey, the what I learn about my body while I couldn’t do the pose. There are other muscles that need to grow, and tendons and ligaments, and the body literally changes to accommodate the yoga practice. The mind allows for this, but the mind wants it quick. The progress from one day to the next is nearly imperceptible, and from one month to the next, still small, but from one year to the next, there is substantial progress, and it builds on itself to create a flywheel effect.

Nathan had to get his notebook to write some of these thoughts down. His leather bag was on the ground next to the table. He reached over and opened the top flap. He pulled out his notebook and then a pen from the front pocket. He opened to the next blank page and began to jot down these thoughts. He had a quick thought for how perfect the table height was for writing. Nathan took another sip of the coffee and documented his thoughts with purpose. He started with his yoga practice.

As he goes through his yoga practice, he finds difficulty in allowing results to come naturally. Nathan noticed that his mind can become impatient. He knows the results will arrive, and he reminds himself regularly to be patient and just keep going. He has a thought he holds onto that says if he quits then it might be easier, and he could find a more gentle way to exercise. He strongly believes that going through the hard work is entirely worth the result. Nathan allows the thought of the easy road to pass by. That is not an option for him. He learned to love the journey, regardless of the difficulty level.

His mind begins racing about the journey. Loving the journey came when Nathan started to love himself. That’s what made the most sense when Nathan tried to identify how this change happened. Nathan was learning to fall in love with his own presence, and he was better able to choose people who resonated with him. Nathan became more aware of his emotional experience. He was becoming a confident safe space for himself and others as the days went by. He was becoming more empathetic and tried to remain present when others encountered their own pain, without taking it as his job to fix it.

Nathan thought through his own wounds that were present in relationships. The result of all that prior thinking was condensed in this session. Today, he moved away from the torture that was once present and skipped straight to the lesson and the growth. His awareness came in the form of what he needs to remain emotionally grounded.

Nathan already figured out that he needs time alone in nature. To accomplish this, he takes walks. No music. No podcast or book. Just nature. That’s how he arrived at this cafe this afternoon. He threw his bag over his shoulder and started down the road. Just a little while later he found himself seated at this cafe. He almost felt called to come here today. This is one of the ways Nathan is staying connected to himself.

Nathan likes to take the time to really get to know what he needs to be deeply connected to himself. There was a time when he wasn’t aware of his emotional experience, and he didn’t know what he needed to process it. He was disconnected and lost himself. Over time, Nathan became more anxious and fearful. He was closed off to the world and those closest to him. Nathan discovered that disconnection with himself had been the leading cause of disconnection with others. Disconnection feels most real when he’s surrounded by people like he is today. The cafe was full, and Nathan was snapped back into reality when someone asked to use the second chair from his small table outside. He sat alone at this table but didn’t feel the same disconnection he had in mind.

He figured out that he needed to stay connected to his heart and his soul. He became vigilant in setting the boundaries that protect his needs. Upon realizing he was disconnected and what havoc that caused in his life, Nathan felt like he couldn’t trust himself until he knew what he needed to stay emotionally grounded. This motivation was key in his development. The development was to take care of himself first, love himself for it, and then the rest would follow. That was Nathan’s working theory. He set out to test it, and from day one, it didn’t seem to work as well as he’d hoped.

The negative thoughts seemed to return quickly, and he tried to let them pass. At first, he was successful, but the thoughts returned again and again. His coping mechanisms didn’t feel very effective at times. The mantras were working, but they weren’t working. It was extremely difficult for Nathan to make sense of any of this supposed healing and safe presence he was becoming for himself. He noticed if he was beating himself up. He practiced compassion. He caught any name calling and practiced kindness. When Nathan would hear negativity around him, he would notice it differently. He began to catch his own thoughts more quickly to turn them positive. At one point, it took days of reflection and thinking to understand a negativity. There was a profound moment for Nathan when it felt like a switch flipped, and he started to see and replace negative with positive. The moment came when he was humbled, for real.

Nathan took a moment to order another cappuccino just as the first was running low. This was becoming a habit of his to sit and drink coffee while thinking and writing. He reminisced over the days gone by. Nathan finished his first cappuccino and delighted in where he was right now. Moments later, a second coffee is delivered to the table. He tried to bring his mind back to the present, breathing and mindfully mixing the sugar into his coffee.

He had been aware of his tendency to fall off in his head for some time now. His ex started to dislike that about him at one point. Nathan remembers with a chuckle the time spent ruminating on that criticism of himself, and after much introspection, deciding this was his super power instead of something that needed to be fixed. Some people may have to wait or gently nudge him back to the conversation. Although, Nathan doesn’t like to rely on others if he doesn’t have to. He started being more mindful of talking instead of thinking. With the Thumper principle in mind, he recognized that positive self talk and always scanning for good and happy moments trains his mind to see those things more quickly, think of those things more easily, and say those things more often.

Thinking of the good things, Nathan thinks on his journey to get to this table at a cafe on an island across the world. As he counts the different events that had to happen for him to be right here right now, he marvels on how it has been nothing short of lucky and spectacularly filled with moments of hard truths lived and learned. Nathan takes a gratitude moment. Grateful for his past and what he has learned. He breathes through that moment. Four seconds in breath…. …. … … Six seconds out breath… … … … … … … He repeats his favorite mantra at a whisper, trust the universe, everything is working out in my favor, dance naked on the beach.

This trip began as a short reprieve. It has blossomed into a full chapter in Nathan’s life. Nathan has been known to make life decisions in the time it takes to brush his teeth, but this decision didn’t feel like that. Most decisions that look hasty on the outside are actually long considered prior to the action taken. This felt like something he’d been working on for a long time that finally came into focus.

Nathan began writing about the life he was building. Nathan thought about how he wanted to build a life that he can be proud of because he calls it his own. That first thought became bland and too generic for Nathan to accept. His mind thinks on all of these things to find some solution, and he doesn’t want to float around without a goal. That kind of existence is exactly what scares Nathan, and he ignores the thoughts that tell him he’s not making progress. That’s one of the reasons behind why he has chosen to take this time to think and work through his life.

He has been reacting to life and sliding into situations without fully thinking them through. Nathan feels a tear begin to form in his eye. He reminds himself of a mantra he’s been trying out, Not because we are trying to impress anyone, but because we are trying to be happy. Nathan came up with this mantra a little while back when he noticed he was making plans with other people in mind. He wondered what others might think of his decision. He then wondered what would make him happy, not what would make someone else happy. Or really because of any way it might make someone else feel, he thought.

Nathan takes another sip of his coffee and laughs a little out loud. He has such a fun time being his own company while thinking and learning more about himself. He embraced his role as observer of thoughts, and he didn’t take every thought so seriously. Everything was serious and nothing was serious, and he confused himself in the beginning. He found himself struggling to make that balance, but when he noticed the thoughts, he laughed. Laughing and accepting thoughts is a fun way to keep things moving in a positive direction, or at least he tells himself. This laughter, however, was slightly different in origin.

Nathan sometimes likes to put himself in the shoes of another. He applies his new thoughts or theories to past situations, overlaying on the logic of others. He tries to see how the decisions of others make more sense with different understanding. He aims for a higher level of empathy and compassion for others through the understanding he gains. It becomes a real-time application of the thoughts for him. The laughter finds its origin in the realization that someone had made an informed decision where before it seemed inconceivable.

With this laugh, Nathan realizes he’s long been out of coffee. The sun started to get low as he began to notice the time. Most of the crowd left an hour ago. They never did bring his other chair back. Nathan smiled and laughed one more time. This was a laugh of joy. He enjoyed himself today. His own company and the kindness he showed to himself felt like true connection and self care. He said a brief gratitude for the time he spent with himself today. Nathan got up from the table and started the walk back home, whistling as he walked.

This day was complete.

I walked in carrying my gear and looked for a clear place to set it down. I found an open spot directly in front of Nick. I did not know him at the time, although we introduced ourselves shortly afterward.

Nick was packing up his own gear and needed room to lay it out. Because I had placed my things in front of him, he quietly moved his gear to the side.

As soon as I saw him move to the side, I apologized for taking up the space he was using.

“No worries,” Nick said. “There’s plenty of space.”

I apologized more than once because I had not seen what I was doing when I set my things down. My attention was fixed on finding a clean spot. I had not stopped to consider whether someone else was already using it. It was ordinary human inattentiveness, but I still felt embarrassed by it.

Nick remained completely calm.

When I first set down my gear, he had taken the opportunity to introduce himself. I remembered meeting him briefly about five years earlier. He did not remember me, but there was no reason he should have remembered a single handshake from years before.

The kindness in this interaction can be seen at several stages. When I placed my gear in front of him, Nick could have said, “Excuse me, you’re in my way.” That would have been reasonable and polite. He could also have said, “Hey, asshole, that’s my space,” or, “Bro, can’t you see you’re in my way?”

Instead, he introduced himself.

That introduction was an opportunity to notice what I had done. When I still did not notice, he said nothing. He simply adjusted what he was doing. To him, the friction of correcting me may have required more energy than moving his gear a few feet to the side.

There were many possible outcomes to that interaction. This was the one he chose. That choice is worth examining because it happened before any words were spoken. It may have happened consciously, or it may have happened without any deliberate thought at all. Either way, the real work occurred in the mind when the moment was presented.

When Nick looked up and saw me placing my things in front of him, he could have informed me that I was in his way. He was entitled to that. Instead, he found a different and more peaceful solution. He had the discernment not to manufacture an injury where none needed to exist.

Had he corrected me and had I responded defensively, as people sometimes do, the moment could have become unpleasant. A minor inconvenience could have turned into an argument between two strangers. There was no need for that.

There is rarely a need to be rude. There is never a need to be an asshole. Real strength is the ability to hold one’s emotions, accurately measure the situation, and respond with no more force than the moment requires.

Sometimes that means speaking clearly. Sometimes it means setting a firm boundary. Sometimes it means walking away from a situation in which the potential damage outweighs any possible reward.

And sometimes it means moving your gear slightly to the side.

The question shifts from, “Am I entitled to object?” to, “Does this need to become a problem?”

Nick was entitled to the space. But the situation did not need to become a problem. He saw that there was plenty of room, and his response gave me the grace to recover from my embarrassment without feeling ashamed or compelled to keep apologizing. He treated my mistake as normal human inattentiveness.

Inattentiveness is normal. People miss things. They become focused on what they are doing and fail to notice what is happening around them. Those moments do not always require correction. Sometimes they require patience and compassion more than anything else.

We cannot know whether Nick consciously considered his options. Perhaps he did not experience the moment as a choice at all. Perhaps he saw the situation and responded in the only way that made sense to him. There appeared to be no ego involved.

He did not act as though my mistake had diminished him. He did not behave as though something important had been taken from him. His dignity remained intact without requiring me to feel smaller. There was a calm confidence in that.

Some people feel compelled to announce that they have been wronged. They need the other person to understand the mistake, acknowledge the inconvenience, and restore the proper order of things. Nick did not need to win the interaction.

He did not make me smaller so that he could feel properly respected. He did not point out my lack of awareness to elevate his own status. He was secure enough to let a minor inconvenience remain minor. Nick used no more force than the situation required.

That is the discernment I witnessed: knowing when a calm correction is necessary and when nothing at all is required. It is the ability to let the future move forward peacefully while allowing both people to remain in good standing with each other.

This is a true story about a man showing kindness when kindness was not obligatory.

A polite correction would also have been kind. It may even have been the more common kindness. My own response in the same situation would probably have been polite, direct, and entirely reasonable. But Nick showed me another level.

His kindness did not merely soften a correction. It recognized that no correction was needed. He absorbed a small inconvenience without turning it into an injury, and he allowed another person to remain whole in the process.

That kind of discernment was previously unknown to me.

Now that I have seen it, I know it exists.

And once a form of kindness becomes visible, it becomes something we can choose.

This park is where she felt comfortable to be herself. She could relax and let her hair down in this park.

After nearly a year of going to this park every day, something happened one day. She was having her lunch like usual, and she was enjoying the view, nothing out of the ordinary. Just moments after she let her hair down, a tiger jumped from behind the wall and came after her. She jumped to her feet and ran away in terror.

This incident scared her, and she wondered what happened. She wondered where this tiger came from. She didn’t know that the tiger lived behind that wall. The tiger was there every day. The tiger came out that day for the first time for her to see. The tiger had been out previously, while she wasn’t there.

She thought about not going the next day. She believed the tiger was a one time thing. That is her favorite spot. The next time she went, she was very cautious. Thank goodness, no tiger. The next few times she went, there was no tiger. The months went by, and she had all but forgotten about the tiger. Until one day, the same thing happened, and she ran away from the tiger again.

Now this happened twice, she began to question whether she wanted to go back to this park. The park was now causing her stress just thinking about it and whether the tiger will show up or not. With much dismay and sadness, she started to look for a new park. She knew the park could be anywhere, and there may be something without a tiger where she can feel safe.

She looked at a couple other parks, and she found one that was beautiful. She had to move past comparing the new park with the old favorite. They were different places for sure, and there were things she would say that she loved about the old one that the new one doesn’t have. The new one has a couple things she likes that the old one didn’t have. Once she was able to appreciate the beauty without comparison, she was able to fully appreciate the here and now.

Before she settled on that new park, she did go back to the old favorite. She loved it so much that she wanted to give another try, just appreciate the beauty again. The last time she went, she was stressed even thinking about being there. She was stressed the whole time, and then the tiger jumped out again. She was so scared and upset with herself for even thinking it would work. She wanted to believe and be in that place again. That’s why she went back. It was so nice for so long. The tiger isn’t there every time. But she finally accepted that she would rather be safe than have to worry about the tiger.

A year or so went by, and Natalie had fallen in love with the new park. She didn’t really think about the old park much. She didn’t think about it until one day she happened to be driving by. On that day, the good memories came flooding back, she remembered the good times, and she laughed about the tiger. She wouldn’t be as scared today. When she reached the park, she could see her favorite spot. She stopped the car. There was no other traffic at that moment so she could look and remember. She noticed a major change to her favorite spot. The wall was removed. The place where the tiger lived no longer existed. The whole park was renovated, and her old favorite was the same but somehow completely different and better.