This story begins with a simple conversation that went very deep, rather quickly. We talked for hours on the first time we met. She was interesting, and she seemed interested in my stories. It didn't matter that we both had commitments to another person. She is married, and I am not accepting that I am free to be with another. This woman reminded me of my wife. This woman told me that life was to be lived. She said that her husband didn't understand, and he wanted to work all the time. He just wanted to work and take a vacation every year, but he didn't want to do much other than that. I listened to her and felt like she was describing a part of me, but I also heard distinction in that I would sit and talk for hours about life.

The hours-long conversations about life were something that I found very valuable. I enjoy talking about the sunrise and how it makes the birds sing. I enjoy talking about life lessons learned in books. I also started my own yoga practice and learning journey. I enjoy talking about what I've learned and how it applies in my life. I found it fascinating to listen to her story. This woman lived through tough times, and she didn't give herself credit. I give her credit, just as I give my wife credit for living through her difficult times.

The conversation took a turn, for the better, when she offered to answer questions about how women think. I asked a simple question, "why don't women ask for what they want?" She replied that women feel they shouldn't have to ask, and if they are asking, it's already too late. I didn't understand this. I listened and asked more. She kept going so we could get to a spot where I understand. I shared with her how I had done this all wrong. I had revelations in that conversation. I may never see this woman again, but our connection was strong in that moment. We connected on life. We were there, together, talking, not thinking about what else might be, and the time passed quickly. I looked at the clock and realized hours had gone by. I had to go. I learned a lesson by listening to my wife, and that lesson is to not destroy the connection by being rushed away. I was an idiot when I did that. I don't do that anymore. I didn't do it with this woman.

I need a wife to take care of me and protect me, not the other way around. I am the one who needs someone. She is fine on her own. She will do great things because that's who she is. It's who she is that I love. It has nothing to do with doing; it's her being, her beautiful soul.

Men and women are different. Women are not crazy. When I've said that, it's been a joke. It's been an acknowledgement that I don't understand. I do apologize for ever impacting anyone wrongly with those works. We think different, and we have different energies. I love the beautiful complexity of the mind of a woman. Some men and some women are crazy though HAHA! Jokes. It's funny because there is some truth to it. All of the readers know someone that fits in that category. I do not believe that women are crazy in any negative sense of the word. If I have ever said it, I thought I was being funny. I understand now that it's not funny to categorize people. People are individuals, and any heuristics used to stereotype are just shortcuts that close the mind. I do not close my mind.

I listened to the woman I spoke with. She encouraged me to keep trying. She said that women say things they don't mean. She said that women can hold pain better than men, and that this may be much much worse for the woman leaving than it is for the man. Women also have children, and they get through that like champions. I can never imagine what they must go through. I cannot say that one person's struggle or problems are not real. I understand and respect that we all have our own lives to go through. I am just a witness. I can let the other person know that I see them, and I respect them for who they are. I see their strength to carry forward. I am not afraid to interact on that level. I am not afraid to cry and feel what they are feeling. I don't have to understand it. I don't have to be in their shoes. I acknowledge and respect their shoes because I know what it's like to have shoes. That's the human experience.

Although, I believe I'm starting to understand why someone wouldn't say something. They are afraid of the judgment that comes with their thoughts. I shared my thoughts and said that I should start lying because sharing my mind was getting me in trouble. I trusted to share. I wish the other would trust to share with me. I have to respect that they feel a certain way. It is not because of me they feel that way, but it can be because of me that they may feel bad or guilty by feeling or thinking certain things. I have the power to make things worse when I don't listen and accept.

**New Stuff** I want to add something here. I also think about how I will be judged for my thoughts. I think about what others might say if they knew all the stuff in my head or the thoughts or the feelings. I have that too. I was blind to not recognize that my fears are the same as the fears of another. People are people. We all want the same thing. We want to be seen and appreciated. We want to be appreciated for who we are and what we do. There seems to be a difference between men and women on this, and without getting into whether it's the patriarchy that caused this or cultural conditioning, I can say there is a difference. My theory is that women want to be praised for who they are, and men want to be praised for what they do. But this can even be complicated and blended. Women also want to be seen and appreciated for what they do, and men for who they are. It's not black and white, it's a spectrum that shifts from moment to moment. I just need to appreciate others. I believe men like to hear that they are good people and they are nice and they are kind. Women want the same praise. I made a mistake before at only valuing the doing and not looking at the person underneath that is doing the doing. The person my wife is, that's an incredible person. She is caring and loving, and she cares and loves deeply. She is kind. She is considerate. She is smart. She is courageous. She is brave. She is beautiful, inside and out. She is all of the great things that I married her for. I want to say it now if I never did before (I think I did, but I also know it got overshadowed by other wrongful words). If she does something because of who she is, then I would praise that also. She does great things and taught people and cared. She leads people. She shows up when needed. She talks and listens. She does the amazing things because of who she is. I love my wife.

I have taken the time to learn. I am late, yes. But hey, better late than never. Whoever my future wife is, she will get the benefits of these things. I am doing this for me and for her. I also want to have a daughter, and could end up with two lol. Then we'd be a house of women, and I gotta treat them with the highest level of respect and dignity. I accept my wife for who she is. I do not want her to change. Please don't change. I lacked an understanding. I didn't change through this. I grew. I encourage my wife to grow. I support her in that growth. She will make her own decisions and live her own life. I don't take any action that makes her feel like her growth is being limited. I make her feel special. She is the only person in the world that means so much to me. I will still speak truth, but with care and love and patience. I know she is on the way. I am just happy to be on the same road, walking with her, holding her hand, stopping to have sex in that grassy field occasionally, making damn sure she has that smile on her face, and we make this journey together, doing life together. We make each other better, not by criticism, but with love and support.

Life is hard. And just like coffee without sugar, life without a good woman is bitter. She doesn't have to ask, I know how to make her day a little sweeter 🙂